


Meet me where I am (when I open up)

by space_ally



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Adoptive Child Yuri(o), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angry Viktuuri, Angst with a Happy Ending, Because of Reasons, Christmas, Custody Arrangements, Custody Battle, Divorced Viktuuri, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, Fights, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Birthday Victor, Homophobic Language, I swear, Idiots in Love, Let's end this, M/M, Male Homosexuality, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, OOC Yuri, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pissed Viktor, Post-Canon, Protective Parents, Protective Viktor, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, They love each other, Trouble In Paradise, Unrequited Love, Viktor's stubbornness, Yuri(o) has a crush, Yurio is six years old, Yuuri's anxiety again, also, and not even bratty, basically they all have a lot of feelings, but Viktor's also physically hurt, divorced, happy new year, haven't decided yet, hurt Viktor, hurt Yuri, i guess, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 22:10:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8914852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_ally/pseuds/space_ally
Summary: The divorced!Viktuuri Fanfic you totally weren't looking for. But they have adopted a child before breaking up (which happens to be Yuri Plisetsky).Will they overcome anxiety and stubbornness or are they stuck as always? I suck at summaries.  For a moment no one cared about who hurt the other one, they forgot the reasons their relationship didn't work out and they were just Yuuri and Viktor, Viktor and Yuuri, standing in front of each other and their heartbeat sped up and they leaned towards each other unknowingly, only a tiny little step and then it was over.





	1. Surviving

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello there. First things first, Yuuri is refering to Katsuki Yuuri, Yuri is for the angry blonde who isn't that angry in this fic. 
> 
> Solnyshko - sun  
> Kotyonok - kitten  
> (as far as the internet is a reliable source)
> 
> Tags may change with future chapters.
> 
> Yuri is six years old.
> 
> Enjoy!

Viktor looked at the blank space on his ring finger. He would never admit to anyone how he still felt the golden band on it though, almost painful. He constantly looked back on his hand, just to see it missing.   
  
A knock on the door of his apartment woke him from his daydreaming and he ran his hands through his hair to make it look less messy. With a false smile on his lips he opened the door, a six year old blonde little russian threw himself onto the silver haired and Viktor's false smile faded only to be replaced by a genuine one.   
  
"Daddy!", Yuri hugged the male tightly. "Heya, _Kotyonok_ ", he greeted his adoptive child and brushed through the strands of hair which were getting way too long again. Viktor didn't dare to cut them though. Yuuri did stuff like that.   
  
"Everything important is in his backpack. When I pick him up on sunday he needs to be ready, we're flying back to Japan around nine p.m. and I don't want to miss the flight", a well-known but emotionless voice declared. Viktor let Yuri escape his arms and the blonde ran into the apartment so he took a moment to talk to his former husband.  
  
"I could have brought him back, you know? We spend so little time together", Viktor looked at Yuuri, at his stubborn fringe falling into his eyes and restrained himself from touching the younger.   
  
"It's none of my business if your career eats up the time you're supposed to spend with your child", Yuuri said, still expressionless.   
  
A sting of pain shot through Viktor's heart and he almost felt betrayed by Yuuri's words but he also felt anger building up inside of him.   
  
"Don't", he threatened, his shoulders tensing, "That's not fair of you to say." Yuuri simply shrugged and turned around when Viktor gripped his wrist to stop him.  
  
"We weren't supposed to become like this", Viktor almost begged. Almost. His blueish-green eyes shimmered in pain. Yuuri's expression softened, only a split second before returning to the stone cold from before.   
  
"There are a lot of things becoming what they weren't supposed to."  
  
Viktor closed the door more forcefully than intended and took a deep breath before turning around to face his son with a bright smile.   
  
"Did you eat yet, _Kotyonok_?", he asked and looked at Yuri who shook his head. "Well then, how about the two of us making dinner, huh?"  
  
Yuri's face lit up and he threw his backpack onto the sofa before running to the kitchen.   
  
~  
  
The rink was filled with way too many people and Yuri somehow managed to slip away from him. He was a great skater for his age and he'd been taking lessons since he was four. Yuuri and Viktor decided to let Yuri choose if he wanted to continue, but they didn't have to worry because the blonde loved nothing more than skating lazy circles around the ice and even build up the courage to try some jumps, even though he didn't land them yet.  
  
Most of the time Viktor was damn proud of their son, right now he was angry. Because he was worried sick. He told the six year old to stay at his side but he sneaked away nonetheless. That brat.   
  
"Yura!", he called out, strong russian accent audible. He didn't want to frighten the kid but he'd always been a soft father and needed to teach the kid how to behave one day and he was sure to do it better sooner than later.   
  
"Hey, aren't you Viktor Nikiforov?", a young man asked but the silver haired didn't have the time for a "lovely little chat" about his skating career. "I'm sorry, I'm looking for my son, if you'd excuse me..?", he explained and forced his way through the people, still calling Yuri's name.   
  
He wasn't there. Yuri absolutely wasn't there.   
  
_Looks like another Yuri left you._  
  
Viktor shook his head. No way. He couldn't have lost his son on his home rink. He wasn't a father like this. He cared about Yuri and he always made sure to watch him, to look out for him. To be there for him unlike what he failed to provide to Yuuri.   
  
Thoughts ran through his head, spinning, cursing, hurting him and he sank on his knees, everything felt like it was spinning now, out of control and he couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't hear but he felt.   
  
Viktor woke up, cold sweat running down his face, Yuri's name on his lips and a sore throat.  
  
"Daddy?", a sleepy voice mumbled next to him and Viktor just breathed, gripped the young one's hand and held it tightly, feeling his presence. He was there. He was alright.   
  
"Everything's fine. Get back to sleep, _Kotyonok_. Everything's alright", he reassured, mostly talking to himself before lying down again, his hand still holding on to Yuri.  
  
~  
  
Yuuri's phone rang around lunchtime and he raised an eyebrow in confusion seeing the familiar name on the display of the small gadget. Viktor didn't call him except for when something happened.   
  
"What is it?", he answered, his intonation rough and ready to call the silver haired out on whatever stupid thing he'd done again.   
  
He was greeted with a cautious "Daddy? It's me, Yuri" and regretted snapping the next second.   
  
"Yuri! What happened? Where did you get Viktor's phone and how did you manage to call me?", the black haired asked, anything but calm.   
  
"Daddy is hurt", the blonde started sobbing and Yuuri held the phone tighter. "Where are you?", was the only thing he pressed out before getting his stuff, leaving the hotel room only seconds later.   
  
~  
  
Maybe last night's nightmare was the reason for changing plans.   
  
Normally they would have visited Viktor's home rink, greeted Mila, Yakov and the whole squad, skated a while and went to have a walk around the Christmas market afterwards.   
  
What they did instead was visiting a smaller rink outside the city. There weren't many people and Viktor was able to watch every single one of Yuri's steps. He saw the progress the blonde had made and couldn't help but smile.  
  
"You're a natural!", he exclaimed proudly and ruffled his son's hair who smiled back at him in awe with reddened cheeks and glimmering eyes that reminded Viktor of Yuuri so much it hurt.  
  
"Let's say we'll get back and pick up a hot chocolate on the way?", he asked and already knew the answer by Yuri's impatient tug on his jacket. They changed their skates back to shoes and left the rink without any major incidents. About five minutes from the place where Viktor's car stood, five people stood around, probably 18 years and older and they looked like they were up for causing inconveniences.   
  
"Yura, stay close to me, okay?", Viktor murmured and pushed himself in front of the child protectivly. He sped up his steps, always carefully making sure that Yuri was right at his side until one of the teenagers stopped them.  
  
"Hey, aren't you that guy from tv?", he asked. His voice was a little too high for being intimidating but the four others contributed a feeling of inferiority by coming closer.  
  
"You must be confusing me with someone. I hear that quite a lot. Could you please let us get to my car? You're scaring my son", Viktor said, staring coldly at the one who seemed to be the leader.   
  
"No way, you're that gay ice skater, aren't you? The little fairy princess in his glittery pink clothes who sucked-", Viktor interrupted, voice dangerously close to threatening: "Please move. I don't want to repeat myself but you are making my son uncomfortable."  
  
The leader spat on the floor, a calculating smile on his lips. "I always wanted to beat up the one who made Russia seem like a country that's proud of fag-", another interruption. This time, Viktor held the teenager by his collar, his lips were pressed to a thin line and he was only moments away from losing his temper. The only thing keeping him reasonable was Yuri who clung to his free arm as tightly as possible.   
  
It still wasn't one of his brightest decisions to grab the teenager by his collar he figured as he felt himself being pulled back by two of the others.  
  
 _Fuck._  
  
"Yuri, go. Get to the car and wait there", Viktor pressed out, trying to escape their grips.  
  
"No, no, little one", the red headed leader seazed Yuri's shoulder and took Viktor's phone from the silver haired's pocket, "Call your _father_ ", he almost spit the word, "And tell him that we beat up this guy. Tell him that we'll come for him as well."  
  
Viktor saw tears in Yuri's emerald eyes before he felt a fist hitting his stomach.  
  
"Yura, run", he forced out in Japanese because thank god his son grew up learning three different languages but those idiots didn't, "Run, I'll be there soon, don't worry and don't look back."  
  
  



	2. Pizza and Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every part of Viktor screamed but he stayed silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the lovely comments on the previous chapter, they really helped me with writing this chapter :3

Explaining a six year old how to use a smartphone while being on the phone with him at the same time was quite an obstacle but thankfully Yuri was a smart kid and also had an unhealthy obsession with modern technology. In fact Yuuri was sure Viktor was to blame for it, being quite similar himself.  
  
Driving to the place Yuri send him took about fifteen minutes and the kid was a crying mess when he arrived.  
  
He ran towards the black haired as soon as he parked the car and Yuuri picked him up, hugging him tightly.  
  
"Where is he?", was his first question and he couldn't help the worry making him feel sick.  
  
Yuri pointed towards a narrow alley and the former skater sped up his steps, the blonde clinging to him by sitting on his hip.  
  
"Viktor?", he called for the silver haired but he saw him before he answered.  
  
"You stupid- Damn Idiot", Yuuri muttered, dropping his son back on the ground carefully.  
  
Viktor tried to pick himself up but stumbled, a pained expression on a bloody face. Yuuri slung his arm around his shoulders, shushing Yuri's crying as he saw his father like this. They made their way back to the cars silently, Viktor almost tripping over his own feet occasionally but Yuuri always caught his fall.  
  
"What the hell happened?" - "Please watch your language", Viktor insisted and Yuuri contemplated if hitting a hurt man would really be that wrong. "Tell me", he demanded and helped Viktor get on the passenger's seat of the car he'd rented.  
  
"It was nothing really", the silver haired answered and Yuuri was close to beating him up too. Yuri explained the situation, his small hands balled into fists. "They were mean and insulted Daddy's skating and he said they would scare me but they didn't listen and he told them to stop saying bad words in front of me but they still didn't listen and then this guy gave me Daddy's phone and he told me to call you and tell you that they were going to hurt Daddy and that they want to hurt you too but Daddy wouldn't let them hurt you. Right?"  
  
Viktor smiled at Yuri, "Of course I wouldn't let them", he reassured, taking a shuddering breath.  
  
"I'm going to take you to a hospital", Yuuri said but wasn't careful enough to hide the blush on his face and his soft expression and Viktor's heart jumped and it hurt.  
  
"Thank you", he coughed and closed his eyes, feeling Yuri's hands sneaking up to his arm to get a hold of it.  
  
Yuuri just hummed before he buckled up Yuri in the back seat.  
  
~  
  
"You'll look bad", Yuuri noticed, arms wrapped around the blonde who sat in his lap.  
  
"Katsuki Yuuri. Always brightening one's day", Viktor laughed but it was a pathetic excuse to fill the silence between them.  
  
Yuri looked at his parents alternately before saying: "Daddy is going to be okay, isn't he?"  
  
Viktor squeezed Yuri's hand and smiled at him brightly but it looked rather traumatizing considering his face was covered in bruises and still a little bloody. "Of course, _Solnyshko_ ", the silver haired answered and saw Yuuri jump upon hearing the familiar nickname Viktor used to call him by.  
  
Yuri hummed in approval and started playing with Viktor's thin and pale fingers. He noticed the space which had been covered by the golden ring only months ago and a hint of sadness struck his voice when he murmured: "I want to spend Christmas with both of you."  
  
Yuuri's warm and welcoming brown eyes met with Viktor's icy blue and they both opened their mouths but Viktor let Yuuri talk first.  
  
"Yuri we already explained that we love you very much but there's no possible future in which the two of us want to spend time together", the younger explained and Viktor felt like his heart got shattered to pieces all over again, "Also Viktor must be busy around Christmas."  
  
Yuri's gaze turned towards the silver haired who failed to realize his own expression, slightly parted lips and eyes gleaming with tears he forced himself to suppress.  
  
"Is that true?", the blonde asked and Viktor took a moment to clear his throat before answering: "If your father says so... I could make time and I'd love to see you around the holidays but Yuuri and I can't... I mean..."  
  
"But you still love him, don't you?!", Yuri raised his voice and Yuuri's eyes met Viktor's again who flinched at the words of his son.  
  
"Yura, that's complicated", Viktor answered, voice raspy and hiding his face by turning away.  
  
"Daddy was worried about you and you look at him like he means very much to you why do you have to say it's complicated? Because it's not! It's not fun being with either of you because you stopped having fun long time ago!", Yuri declared and wiggled himself out of Yuuri's grip.  
  
"Where do you think you're going, young man?", Yuuri asked, holding on to the blonde. "I'll look for some doctors to ask them annoying questions about their jobs."  
  
Viktor and Yuuri both caught themselves smiling affectionately. Hastily they both let their expressions return to a blank one as they watched the blonde leaving the waiting area of the hospital.  
  
"You don't have to stay. I already called someone to bring my car home and there's no need to mess up your free time by having to spend it with me waiting for a doctor's approval to go back home."  
  
Yuuri raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms in front of his torso.  
  
"It's not that I'd hate being around you. We were married. There was a reason we were."  
  
Apparently that reason wasn't a good enough one to stick around.  
  
Viktor cleared his throat again, silver strands falling into his eyes. He kept his thought to himself. He was tired of fighting. Tired of all of it, of everything they'd been through. Ironically he was never tired of Yuuri. Never had been. Not even once.  
  
"Is it true what Yuri said? You let yourself beat up because they expressed bad language?", the black haired suddenly asked. "They were homophobic idiots and normally I would have ignored them but I don't want Yura to hear slurs like these. I don't want him to feel ashamed of his parents."  
  
Yuuri nodded, deep in thought.  
  
"He's great at skating. All the hard work is paying off", Viktor casually changed the topic. Yuuri's face lit up and the silver haired's heart ached realizing how much he was still in love with him.  
  
"He's got practice every day except on the weekend but he insists on visiting the rink nonetheless. He loves it and he's very proud."  
  
Viktor smiled, only a small lift of the corners of his mouth and Yuuri answered it with a smile himself.  
  
"He likes Hasetsu", Viktor assumed and Yuuri nodded, "But he likes Russia too. It must be hard to grow up torn between two countries and your parents speaking another language but he's really ambitious."  
  
The silver haired was only a split second away from reaching for Yuuri's hands to stop them tugging at his sleeves nervously, a habit he knew so well after being his coach for a while and being his husband even longer. He didn't. Instead he said: "His Japanese is better than mine already."  
  
"Aww, no, I don't think so. Your Japanese got pretty well during our marriage."  
  
Thick silence fell over the two adults like a curtain over a stage. They couldn't help but feel unfamiliar towards each other, even though they had been married for a long time and known the other even longer. And that feeling of unfamiliarity hurt and took their breath away but neither of them would admit it.  
  
"Doctor's are boring. I won't become a Doctor in the future", Yuri declared and sat himself down on the chair between his parents.  
  
"That's something? Your father hates doctors anyway", Yuuri smiled and the blonde's look turned curious. "Really?", he asked and Viktor almost fell over as he tried to shut his ex-husband up, who just started to tell their son about the awkward incident with a doctor from a couple of years back.  
  
"Mr. Nikiforov?", an authoritarian voice asked and the Katsuki-Nikiforov household fell silent, looking at the nurse who suddenly appeared.  
  
"That's me", Viktor answered, face flustered from the talk from before. "You can go home now. A visit at your family doctor tomorrow should be enough, maybe apply some ice to keep the swelling to a minimum."  
  
Viktor nodded and thanked the woman before getting up, Yuuri at his side, ready to catch him if he was going to fall again.  
  
Every part of Viktor screamed but he stayed silent.  
  
_Of course I love him. I always will._  
  
Instead he just bit his bottom lip and let Yuri jump back into his arms. Yuuri watched them silently.  
  
~  
  
"Uh this is kinda awkward."  
  
Viktor pressed his phone closer to his ear, his look was focused on Yuri who sat at the sofa table drawing on some papers which were probably important.  
  
"What is it?", he asked his former husband who took some time to answer.  
  
"Apparently there was something wrong with my hotel room or something. That lady at the reception seems very angry and... Uh. I don't understand her."  
  
Viktor was close to breaking into laughter.  
  
"Give her the phone, would you?"  
  
Half an hour later, Viktor didn't want to laugh anymore. He had a throbbing headache and a sore throat, not to mention a bored six year old who eventually started drawing on the walls.  
  
"Yura you are too old for not knowing that it is wrong to draw on walls!", Viktor strictly said, "No I didn't talk to you. Please explain to me what you intend to do on the double occupancy?"  
  
He switched between Russian and English about three times a minute and another half an hour later he was standing in the lobby of the hotel next to Yuuri.  
  
"You'll stay at my place tonight, I'm sick of this staff", he declared solemnly only to notice Yuuri's jaw dropping. Their six year old on the other hand jumped up and down impatiently, a broad smile on his face.  
  
"I could stay at a different hotel-", the black haired started but was interrupted almost immediately. "It's close to Christmas, there won't be any free rooms and it's no big deal. You and Yura can have the bedroom, I'll sleep on the couch."  
  
There was a lot of uncomfortable shifting around from Yuuri and some poor excuses he tried to make but they ended up at Viktor's nevertheless, realizing that there wasn't any food.  
  
"We could go out?", the black haired suggested, shrugging.  
  
"Or we just order pizza."  
  
Yuri screaming "Pizza" loud enough for the neighbors to hear settled the decision in the end.  
  
~  
  
They all sat on the large sofa in the living room in their pyjamas, sharing two large pizzas and watching Christmas Cartoons and it was almost like back when they were still married. Yuuri's hair was messy from the playful fight he had with the blonde a moment ago and his cheeks were reddened and he looked so damn cute.  
  
Viktor blushed. He enjoyed seeing this side of Yuuri again, happy, honest, just having fun and fooling around with their son.  
  
And Yuuri smiled at him when he thanked him before going to bed and his pyjama was a little too big and exposed a part of his shoulder and this time he wasn't just cute.  
  
"I miss you."  
  
_Great way to ruin the mood. Well done, Viktor._  
  
"I'm sorry, I just- I'll leave you alone now", he stumbled over his own words and turned on his heel, ears bright red and heart full of regret.  
  
_Stupid. So goddamn stupid._  
  
Viktor couldn't help the lonely tear escaping his eye and soaking into the fabric of the pillow though. 


	3. A hint of snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri couldn't quite remember at what point of Viktor's words he started crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 12, am I right? Guys, I have too many feelings. I wrote everything except for the last part before watching the episode and it's getting really hard to have them maintain a distance because the damn idiots are clearly head over heels in love!
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment, even if you just want to talk about the last episode because I sure as hell would love to!

Viktor's face hurt. 

 

And of course Yuuri had been right, he looked bad. His reflection in the kitchen window stared back at him tired, covered in bruises and hopeless. 

 

The silver haired pulled a face before eventually deciding to stop. Instead, Viktor made breakfast. 

 

Yuri shuffled into the room, tired, hair mussy and suppressing a yawn. 

 

“Morning,  _ Kotyonok _ ”, Viktor smiled at the blonde, “Breakfast?”

 

Yuri nodded tired and sat down at the kitchen counter, burying his face in his arms. 

 

“Yura”, Viktor reminded his son of his manners and the six year old lifted his head hastily. “Sorry.”

 

When Yuuri entered the kitchen, fully dressed, combed hair and cleaned glasses, he watched the two of them from the doorstep for a moment. 

 

Viktor's fingers brushed through Yuri's hair easily, the golden strands shimmering in the morning light. He put the younger’s hair up into a cute little ponytail while Yuri ate breakfast. Yuuri's thoughts slipped into an earlier time, imagining a young Viktor with his silver hair in the very same position and a smile stole its way to his lips. 

 

“Good morning”, he greeted the two and almost didn't notice Viktor's expression changing from relaxed to tense. 

 

“I hope you were able to get some sleep”, Viktor answered seemingly alright, his face looked awful though. 

 

“Yeah, thanks again for letting me stay here. If you're in Japan again sometime, don't hesitate to stay at the Hot Springs.” - “Of course, I will, thank you.”

 

They both smiled at each other but they also knew that it was an empty promise.

 

“There's snow!”, Yuri suddenly called out, running towards the large window in the living room, pressing his hands on the cold glass, eyes sparkling, mesmerized by the beauty of the white powder covering rooftops and trees and plants and the ground making the time seem to stand still. 

 

Being reminded of their first official, or sober, meeting, Yuuri and Viktor looked at each other, longing, hurt, in silence. And for a moment no one cared about who hurt the other one, they forgot the reasons their relationship didn't work out and they were just Yuuri and Viktor, Viktor and Yuuri, standing in front of each other and their heartbeat sped up and they leaned towards each other unknowingly, only a tiny little step and then it was over. 

 

Yuuri turned away. Viktor took a deep breath. 

 

The silver haired stepped behind his son and laid a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. “It's beautiful, isn't it? It's almost like everything fell silent and nothing bad could happen because everyone takes a moment to appreciate how everything looks magical. I always thought the first snow was similar to our earth taking a deep breath. And everything just stops for a moment and we have the time to look around in wonder and we're all the same people on the same planet and for the fracture of a second, for the time it takes to breathe in and out, everything's alright. There are no differences, no borders, no barriers. There is no hurt or pain or anger or hate. Because we all breathe the same air under the very same sky and we all feel something deep in our hearts, watching this miracle.”

 

Yuuri couldn't quite remember at what point of Viktor's words he started crying. Maybe when he saw the reflection of the silver haired's azure eyes in the glass of the window. Maybe when Yuri's emerald lit up, his eyes following the movements of tiny snowflakes falling down almost in front of them. Maybe when he took the breath Viktor talked about or when he remembered their first White Christmas together. 

 

He couldn't say it, he just felt hot tears running down his face and when the silver haired turned around to look at him, he gripped the hand Viktor offered and he squeezed it, only for a second and they all stood in front of the window in silence and they all took a breath and Yuuri's heart missed a beat and Viktor's breath shuddered and Yuri smiled and then it was over again.  

 

~

 

“Please come visit us during the holidays”, Yuuri said and Viktor opened his mouth, not able to process what just happened. 

 

Yuri looked at his parents, a bright smile on his face. 

 

“Daddy, are you spending Christmas with us?” 

 

And Viktor nodded enthusiastically, shimmering eyes and he couldn't say goodbye properly because he was just too emotional. 

 

“I'll take a flight two days before Christmas so I'll be there on time”, he promised and Yuri hugged him tightly, warmth spread on his cheeks and excited, constantly in movement, he just couldn't stand still.

 

“Thank you”, Viktor's eyes said and Yuuri understood and nodded, “We'll wait for you then.” However his eyes also said “I still love you” but the black haired chose to ignore that. 

 

“Bye,  _ Solnyshko _ ”, Viktor whispered to himself as he saw his son and his ex-husband walk away so that they'd catch their flight. To whom he was referring, he wasn't quite sure himself. 

 

~

 

Viktor loved snow. But right now, he hated it. 

 

A simple pair of sunglasses hid his eyes and a thick scarf covered his mouth. He didn't want anyone see his face, the bruises were healing but he still looked bad. Better not feed the press and let rumors spread. 

 

The silver haired shivered in his coat and looked at the info desk in desperation but it wouldn't make a difference to go there for a third time, there was no flight departing from this airport today. And judging by the weather forecast, there wouldn't be any flights tomorrow either. Or the day after tomorrow. 

 

And the worst part was, he was stuck. The blizzard hit Moscow unexpected and now he was stranded on an airport for at least three days. He promised Yuri to be there on Christmas Day. He would disappoint him and Yuuri too at the worst possible timing because he felt like they were growing closer again. 

 

For a short span of time he almost looked into the future hopefully. 

 

And again it was an almost and it seemed like his life was filled with almosts and maybes and nothing was sure and he hated it. He grabbed his phone and dialed the number he would always know by heart because he had dialed it so often. 

 

“Katsuki Yuuri”, the all too familiar voice answered and Viktor's hand, holding the phone, trembled. 

 

“I won't make it”, the silver haired murmured depressed and heard a long sigh from the other side.

 

“I really thought something changed. Apparently it didn't. Sorry for being stupid enough to believe you would choose your family over your career.” 

 

Viktor sucked in his breath. 

 

“There's a blizzard in Moscow. I'm stuck at the airport over Christmas”, the skater said, clenching his hands into fists, “But you were always fast in jumping to conclusions, weren't you?”

 

Maybe he wanted to fight with Yuuri. Maybe he was sick of the tension between them, sick of every word he thought over a million times before saying it. Sick of trying not to hurt anyone because Yuuri had hurt him. He did that and he didn't care about Viktor's feelings because he wanted to protect his own. 

 

“I'm not going to fight with you over the phone on Christmas.” - “But I want to! Because you left me without a reason, because you hurt me, you _left me_ , a stupid idiot who caught feelings for you and you just broke up with me! You never told me why and you get to see Yuri most of the time and I'm just there and everything fucking sucks goddammit Yuuri I love you and it wasn't fair!”

 

A few people looked at Viktor who raised his voice and felt tears welling up already. He looked stupid with the sunglasses on inside the building but he would look even more stupid without them. 

 

“It's complicated.”

 

The silver haired got up, so angry he couldn't sit down on the awful airport benches anymore. He left his luggage, walking towards a less crowded area to continue the phonecall. 

 

“It is not. Just tell me. At least fucking break my heart like it’s supposed to be, by telling me upfront that you don’t love me.” - “I can’t.” 

  
“Why?!”, Viktor snapped and Yuuri’s answer was so quiet, he nearly didn’t understand: “Because I can’t lie to you.”


	4. Perfect Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was probably the best part about taking pictures. Even if the person in it changes, it doesn't change the picture at all. It's to remind yourself of a good memory or to remind yourself of what you might have lost.
> 
> Anyway, it's impossible to believe, people stay the way you know them. People change.
> 
> Pictures don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters are getting shorter but I think that adds to the atmosphere somehow? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

The silver haired looked at the picture of Yuuri and him on his phone. It was from the night before they married each other, Yuuri was lying in his arms and he was smiling, eyes closed. They were so close and they were happy. 

That was probably the best part about taking pictures. Even if the person in it changes, it doesn't change the picture at all. It's to remind yourself of a good memory or to remind yourself of what you might have lost.    
  
Anyway, it's impossible to believe, people stay the way you know them. People change.    
  
Pictures don't.

 

Viktor placed the empty shot glass on the bar hard enough to be noticed by the guy next to him. 

 

“Having a hard day?”, the brunette guessed and Viktor laughed bitterly. 

 

“A hard year more likely”, he answered dryly. “I figured”, the stranger nudged towards the glasses piling up in front of Viktor. 

 

Maybe Viktor was drunk. Okay he definitely was. After he just hung up on Yuuri, he had a dispute with the airport security staff for leaving his luggage alone and after that he sat down at the bar of the hotel next to the airport where the stranded passengers were accommodated. 

 

“I should go”, Viktor babbled and stumbled over his chair.

 

Pathetic. The four times gold medallist Viktor Nikiforov was lying face first on the dirty floor of a hotel bar on Christmas Eve. Drunk and sobbing.

 

“Hey, be careful”, the stranger helped him up and looked at his face, “Wow, who beat you up?” Viktor tried to turn away but the grab was too firm. 

 

“You are Viktor Nikiforov, aren't you?” 

 

The silver haired stumbled again trying to get away, he stood up hastily and gripped his phone, the picture of Yuuri and him still on the screen.

 

“Shall I bring you to your room?”, the brunette offered and things lead to other things and eventually Viktor lay in a stranger's bed feeling even more horrible. 

 

They were divorced but it still felt like he just cheated on Yuuri. 

 

~

 

“Where is he?”, Yuri asked, he sat in front of the door for like two hours now but Yuuri couldn't bring himself to tell him yet. 

 

“Yuri…”, he started, “Will you come here for a second?” 

 

The blonde’s eyes suddenly got wet. “He won't come”, the six year old realized and Yuuri shook his head, “I'm sorry.”

 

Yuri fell in his father's arms and started crying, choking out a: “He doesn't care about us.” 

 

The black haired distanced himself to look at the kid. With his thumbs he brushed the tears away gently before speaking. 

 

“That's not true. He cares too much. Your Daddy is stuck at an airport and he hates the fact that he can't be here. Please don't say things like that, okay? You're the most important person in his life.” - “Really?”

 

Yuuri nodded. 

 

“How about we eat something and we go skating afterwards, hm?”

 

“Is the rink open at Christmas?”, Yuri asked, a little more calm already. Yuuri winked at the kid, whispering: “Christmas isn't really a big deal here and I know the owner. Also I'm pretty sure she can't deny your cute, innocent face anything.”

 

“I'm not innocent or cute, I'm a dangerous tiger, fear me!”, Yuri growled playfully and made his father laugh.

 

~

 

A deep breath. A step forward. A shaking hand knocking on a wooden door. A too familiar face. 

 

“Merry late Christmas”, he greeted. 

 

“You smell like an entire liquor store”, came the response. 

 

“I slept with a stranger.” 

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened, only for a second before he opened the door to let the silver haired in. 

 

“Don’t wake Yuri up”, the black haired answered emotionless. “I won’t. He’s not supposed to see me like this.”

 

They found their way to the living room automatically, sat down on the floor, legs crossed, facing each other. 

 

“Talk”, Viktor demanded and Yuuri looked away. The silver haired grabbed his wrist, forced him to look at him. “You are drunk”, Yuuri figured and Viktor nodded, “Have been for three days. Now talk.”

 

The younger revoked his hand and took a deep breath. 

 

“We broke up half a year ago. How is this going to change anything? How am I supposed to talk to you reasonably if you’re drunk and just told me that you slept with a stranger?” - “I want answers!”, Viktor snapped, reddened cheeks. Not because he blushed or anything, just because he was angry. 

 

“Fine!”, Yuuri snapped back at him, “I thought you were cheating on me.”

 

Viktor laughed, loud and false and Yuuri clenched his teeth. 

 

“Stop it!”, he screamed, after Viktor continued laughing at him and he really stopped, a humorless smile left on his lips but his eyes showed the truth behind it. His eyes always betrayed him, making his thoughts visible to Yuuri. He was good at hiding his emotions, that was true, but not sleep-deprived, drunk and hurt. 

 

“You’re lying.” - “Let’s go to bed. I won’t talk to you like this.”

 

Yuuri got up but again he felt Viktor’s ice cold hands around his wrist, pulling him back and suddenly he felt the silver haired’s lips on his, soft and tender, tasting like cheap liquor and  _ Viktor _ . 

 

They fought for dominance and Yuuri stumbled and was lying on his ex-husband now, teeth buried in the other’s bottom lip and hands in his silver strands, eyes closed, kissing back.

 

Could this be? 

 

“Yuuri”, Viktor groaned into the kiss and the black haired felt his senses coming back and he pulled away. 

 

They both stared at each other in silence for a moment, disheveled hair, blushing, panting. 

 

“You’ll find the way to the guest room I guess”, the younger said stiffly before turning around and running away. Always running away. 

  
Viktor brushed over his lip with his thumb and stared at the window, watching snowflakes fall from the sky and he took a deep breath before bursting into tears.


	5. Fix it but stay close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well done, Yura, so what, you're gonna become a cook?” - “You have to take me out to a cook and let me ask him stupid questions first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Viktor's birthday but since I didn't update yesterday, I didn't want to wait until tomorrow to. 
> 
> Also I for myself am in desperate need for fanfictions over the holidays to escape everything haha.
> 
> Merry Christmas, I hope you'll enjoy <3

If Yuuri wouldn’t be an anxious, insecure person with self-esteem issues, he had woken Viktor up and forced him to go on a run with him. Because running made him calm down and right now he was furious. 

 

Instead he let Yuri wake him up.

 

Viktor groaned at the light, groaned at the sound but still managed to smile at Yuri though.

 

“Good morning,  _ Kotyonok _ . I’m so sorry I didn’t make it on time.” 

 

His head hurt and he felt sick but it was his own fault and all his life he had learned not to complain over things he was to blame for. If it was his skating being off, missing his jumps or bad stamina, he always had to fix it. Fix it but never complain about it. 

 

“Happy belated Birthday, Daddy”, Yuri answered and hugged him. That’s when it hit him. He forgot his own birthday and spent it drunk with a stranger he didn’t even know the name of. It’s not like he really forgot it, he probably remembered it at some point but chose to ignore it because it didn’t mean anything anymore.

 

Another year older. Another birthday spent alone. Another day after Christmas where everyone was with their families but he was not.

 

“Thank you, Yura. Would you do me a favor and keep your voice down a little? I have a really bad headache today.” Yuri climbed his lap nodding. “We called you but we didn’t reach you”, the blonde whispered.

 

Viktor smiled again but he honestly felt like throwing up. 

 

“That is very cute,  _ Solnyshko _ . I will check my phone soon. But first, I have to take a shower, okay?” - “I’ll go make breakfast then!”, Yuri exclaimed and there was no way he could do that on his own but Yuuri would be there to help, he figured.

 

The water was too hot and it almost burned his skin but it felt like it washed away the last three days, washed away the blurry memories, washed away yesterday’s kiss. Viktor’s breath hitched at the memory and suddenly he felt like suffocating. He couldn’t stand the water any longer, couldn’t stand the tiny shower or the feeling of being trapped. 

 

_ “After the final, let’s end this”, Yuuri said and Viktor cried. He never really cried or if he did, he didn’t do it in front of anyone. Except for Yuuri.  _

 

His hands were still wet when he reached for his phone, a towel covering his hips. He switched the device on, gave it some time to process the possible messages he missed and checked them.

 

He got a “Happy Birthday, Old Man”, text from Christoph and something short and tempered from Yakov, got tagged in a photo with Phichit (it was a selfie he didn’t even remember they took from about two years ago) and had three missed calls. All three of them were from his son. 

 

Nothing from his parents. However, this pain had stopped a long time ago.

 

He called his mailbox and listened to the first message. 

 

Yuri sang “Happy Birthday” for him and even though it was really bad, it made his heart flutter. No matter what happened between Yuuri and him, he would always have his son and adopting him was the best decision they ever made. 

 

The second message was a shy birthday message from Yuuri with their son talking in the background. He had received a similar one in the past, Yura was only one year old back then and Viktor had to leave the two of them over Christmas to attend his grandmother's funeral in Russia. That was the last time he spoke to his parents as well.

 

He remembered coming back to the hotel, feeling awful, when his phone rang and Yuuri talked to him. They couldn’t talk for long because Yuri started crying midway but Viktor felt safe and supported and ridiculously grateful for his own little family. He felt proud for what he achieved. He was almost thirty, married to the man he loved, had an amazing comeback as a skater and adopted a baby. 

 

Now he was thirty-five, divorced and forced to retire from skating because his body couldn’t take the strain anymore. 

 

The last message was from Yuuri as well. His voice was serious and quiet, probably because Yuri was sleeping already and he didn’t want to wake him up: “It’s me again. We need to talk. You are right, you deserve to know the reason and no matter how hard this may be, I owe you this. Call me when you get this.”

 

Viktor dropped his phone without being able to feel anything at all. Numb was the word to describe his feelings best. Empty. 

 

Yuuri didn't know that Viktor didn't get to listen to the message until now. He must have thought… Oh God. 

 

His damn phone screen was damaged from the fall. Surprisingly, it still worked. He flicked through his gallery, the sharp pieces of glass cutting through the skin of his thumb easily, until his eyes met Yuuri's. But the picture didn't mean anything anymore because it shattered like their relationship did. 

 

His hungover seemed to make him very dramatic, Viktor noticed and switched the smartphone off. 

 

When he came back to the living room, dressed and looking somewhat human, he kissed the top of Yuri's head, mumbling: “Thank you for your birthday wishes,  _ Kotyonok _ . It was the best message of them all.”

 

The blonde smiled with sparkling eyes and let Viktor carry him to the kitchen, proudly telling him that he made breakfast almost entirely on his own. 

 

“Well done, Yura, so what, you're gonna become a cook?” - “You have to take me out to a cook and let me ask him stupid questions first.”

 

Viktor put his son down on the kitchen counter, ruffling his hair. “I will.”

 

~

 

“Where did your father go?”, Viktor asked around noon, not having seen a hint of Yuuri yet.

 

“He said he is meeting a friend today. He'll probably be back late and we should not wait for him.”

 

Viktor stared at Yuri in disbelief. His ex-husband used the six year old to talk to him instead explaining it himself. Coward.

 

_ Well you're one to talk, you showed up drunk at his house. _

 

The silver haired shook his head to make the thoughts go away before refocusing on the blonde’s drawing. 

 

“Well then, it's just you and me today,  _ Kotyonok _ . What do you want to do?” - “Oh, can we visit the kittens?”

 

Viktor figured he meant visiting the pet store in town. “Of course we can”, he smiled, wincing at the sting of pain shooting through his temple. 

 

Fix it but never complain.

 

“We can walk there, take a look at those kittens and get something to eat in town later, does this sound like a good idea to you?”

 

Yuri nodded enthusiastically and Viktor did his best to cope with the six year old chanting “Kittens, kittens, kittens”, during the entire walk. Maybe this was some kind of revenge. Making Viktor regret ever being this drunk again. 

 

_ Not everything Yuuri does is about you. He has his own life now.  _

 

Somehow this thought hurt even more. 

 

~

 

Viktor fell asleep on the living room floor waiting for Yuuri to come back. When the younger did, he almost tripped over the skater.

 

He didn't wake him up though. 

 

Yuuri let himself down on his knees, studying the sleeping face of Viktor. It has been a long time since he last saw him like this and Viktor always looked beautiful in his sleep. 

 

His expression was relaxed, he looked younger and somewhat content. Maybe because he dreamt of a life where their relationship wasn't this complicated. Or maybe even about a life where Yuuri didn't exist.

 

The thought pained the black haired. He let his fingers glide through the sleeping’s hair softly, careful not to wake him up, when Viktor tensed. 

 

At first he thought that maybe he woke him up, but it quickly became obvious that Viktor was having a bad dream. 

 

Yuuri watched him roll around helplessly, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth and he maybe even saw a few tears escaping closed eyes. 

 

When his breathing became troubled, Yuuri intervened, acting on instinct. He layed down next to him so he could look at his ex-partner. He then took his hands in his, mumbling something to calm him down. It didn't really work and Viktor was sweating now, throwing himself around even more. 

 

The silver haired woke up screaming Yuuri's name, cheeks wet with tears. He looked so lost and fragile, Yuuri just wrapped his arms around him. 

 

“Shh”, he whispered and rubbed his back, soothing.

 

“I dreamt you left me forever”, Viktor croaked, clearing his throat. 

 

“I'm here”, Yuuri answered and felt like kissing his cheek gently but he suppressed the urge, “I won't leave right now.”

 

Viktor's eyes were still filled with tears when he turned around to look at him, asking: “Promise?”

 

The younger pulled him up and lead him to the bedroom they had shared in the past. Viktor followed without any resistance and Yuuri stopped thinking for a moment, when he slipped under the covers next to his former husband, pulled him close and combed through his hair with his fingers.

 

Right now, he didn't have any intentions to leave. 

  
“Stay close to me”, he whispered and Viktor did. 


	6. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri missed his walking irony. But he still knew, there was no way of going back to where they started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HEART AND SOUL VIKTOR NIKIFOROV!
> 
> Under normal circumstances I would have updated tomorrow but I just couldn't let this day pass without an update on my favorite's birthday. 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy and I love comments btw. Also I listened to Stammi Vicino on repeat while writing this haha.

When Yuuri woke up, Viktor was gone. 

 

Yuuri looked around the entire house for him but he couldn't find him. Their son was still asleep so he wouldn't have told Yuri where he went. The black haired decided to do the first thing coming to his mind. He checked Viktor's Instagram. 

 

The last picture was from three weeks ago, a picture of some food Yuuri didn't know the name of. No emojis, it wasn't a Selfie and nothing since then. It was worrisome. 

 

Calling Viktor only resulted in reaching the mailbox. He must have turned his phone off. A thing fairly uncommon for a person like Viktor who shared at least two thirds of his life online. 

Maybe he went for a walk?

 

Yuuri decided to give him some time to return on his own instead or walking around looking for him everywhere. Right now he focused on making breakfast.

 

Sometimes he wished for Viktor to act more reasonable and responsible but then again he fell in love with this man just the way he was with every flaw and mistake he might have. That was the worst thing. He had always loved him but he couldn't bring himself to show it. Just like Viktor couldn't bring himself to say it.

 

Yuuri always talked and Viktor always acted. Maybe they should have tried it the other way around at least once. 

 

That still wasn't the reason they broke up.

 

“Morning Daddy”, Yuri greeted and sat down, rubbing his eyes. He let his head fall down on the wooden table and Yuuri joined him. Viktor would have scolded them for behaving like this at the table but then again he once undressed in a restaurant. That man was a walking irony.

 

Yuuri missed his walking irony. But he still knew, there was no way of going back to where they started.

 

~

 

Of course he would be at the rink. Where else would a restless skating champion go when in desperate need for some time to think?

 

Yuko had told Yuuri where he was. Partly because she was surprised to see him there, partly because she was worried. Viktor seemed to revive old skating routines for about three hours now, including jumps and all. 

 

Yuuri was supposed to spend today with his parents anyway so he brought Yuri over and excused himself, saying he'll be back soon. The blonde understood without being told anything, his mother was a little worried but it just took a smile from Yuri and she calmed down. 

 

“Just be back when it's time for dinner”, his father said and Yuuri promised to be.

 

He stared at Viktor, saw him skate a program from eleven years ago if he remembered correctly and couldn't move. His skating still had that effect on people. It caught them, took their breath away and the only thing they saw was Viktor. Even in sweatpants and a loose, dark blue shirt he looked beautiful and as graceful as ever.

 

“Viktor”, Yuuri said. He didn't raise his voice, there was no need to, the rink was empty except for them. 

 

He had interrupted a planned jump and Viktor almost lost his balance. But he didn't because he was Viktor Nikiforov and Viktor Nikiforov’s skating was no place for flaws and mistakes. 

 

“Hey”, the silver haired greeted, a little out of breath.

 

“As far as I remember, you weren't supposed to skate anymore. You are putting yourself in danger.”

 

Viktor laughed dryly. 

 

“You and I both know that there's no way I'll ever stop being a skater.” - “I know. We argued about that in the past already.”

 

The silver haired hummed and closed his eyes for a moment to take a deep breath. 

 

“Do you want to sit down for a minute or two?”, Yuuri asked and looked at him worried. The 28 year old he married would have shook his head and skated another one or two quads. This Viktor let Yuuri take his hand to escort him towards the tribune. 

 

“I’ve become awfully old”, the silver haired sighed and Yuuri grabbed his hand tighter. “This sport consumes people.”

 

Viktor smiled but there was a longing in his smile. “That's the fun part about it. It's almost like selling your soul. If you're lucky you get about 20 years. Maybe even 25. You'll probably also win a medal or two or four if you're lucky. But when you're done it's almost like you never existed and there are younger skaters, capable of doing jumps you can't land anymore.”

 

“You're still my favorite skater”, Yuuri’s words slipped and he blushed. They sat down, grip around Viktor's hand loosening when the older looked at it questioning. 

 

“Yuuri what is this? Two weeks ago you tried to get away from me as soon as possible. Now we're here, you hold my hand and compliment me and ask me to spend Christmas with you and Yura.” - “Yuri shouldn't suffer from our divorce.”

 

Viktor shook his head, biting his bottom lip.

 

“Of course not. But this is not about our son even though you keep telling yourself that it is. Please tell me the truth. Because I can't go on like that with you pushing me away and pulling me closer the next second. It hurts.”

 

Yuuri turned away but Viktor made him look back at him, fingers under his chin, gently leading his face towards his. He stopped when they were eye to eye. 

 

“I still love you. And I want you back.”

 

The silver haired withdrew his hand and stood up, almost stumbling, still wearing his skates. 

 

“Viktor-”, Yuuri reached for his ex-husband but he retreated further away. 

 

“Don't”, he threatened, choking back tears, “Is this a fucking game to you? How many times can you make me fall for you and believe you love me too? I'm a human being! I have feelings and I can't stand this anymore! It was hard enough to maintain close without having any space to think everything over but I did it for Yuri. And all the time you rejected me but now you got over whatever made you break up with me and now you want me back and I'm supposed to say ‘I love you, of course let's get back together and be a perfect family’? I'm sorry to put it like this but that is not going to happen.”

  
With his last word, he turned around and left. 


	7. A bittersweet taste from the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sure he’ll get back to his senses. I mean, you’re Viktor Nikiforov, who wouldn’t want to be married to you?”
> 
> And Viktor smiled lightly, tears still escaping his eyes, answering: “Chris, you’re an idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like everything happens so fast, so here we go with a flashback chapter. Maybe also because I was in desperate need for some happy Viktuuri.

_ Viktor sat down at the small table and took off his trench coat to put it on the bench next to him. Christophe sat on the other side of the table and talked to the waitress, probably flirting with her at the same time.  _

 

_ The silver haired stared into the candle in front of him until everything felt like being sucked into the flames, noises, people, memories, himself… _

 

_ “Earth to Viktor Nikiforov”, Chris waved his hand in front of his face and woke him from his daydream.  _

 

_ “Sorry”, Viktor said and cleared his throat, “So what are we going to order?” - “I already ordered for both of us. I'm sure you don't mind. Ah, well, you're awfully quiet today, so what is it?” _

 

_ Viktor blinked.  _

 

_ “Vitya.” - “I have to use the bathroom, if you'd excuse me for a second?” _

 

_ Christophe followed his steps with his eyes, not even a little convinced. He still decided to let the topic rest for a moment.  _

 

_ When Viktor came back, his eyes were a little red and he was paler than before but their food had arrived so he used that as an excuse to avoid talking again. Chris was patient and sooner or later he knew, the skater would talk. If he wouldn't, there was always alcohol to make him talk.  _

 

_ “You see that guy over there in the corner? He's kinda hot”, the blonde whispered and Viktor nearly choked on his wine. The man he was talking about was probably in his late twenties, wearing glasses with his dark hair slicked back. He looked like Yuuri Katsuki. Or maybe he didn't really but even the slightest familiarity reminded Viktor of Yuuri nowadays.  _

 

_ Viktor looked at the food left on his plate, when he saw droplets of water on the tablecloth and noticed his vision going blurry. Chris knew, now he got him. He got up and squeezed himself in the tight space next to Viktor, embracing the silver haired.  _

 

_ “Why does it always end up here? You never talk about your feelings until something makes you cry in front of me and you have to explain then. Vitya, I can't go shopping with you every month hoping to figure out if you're alright or not. I thought you knew you can always talk to me.” _

 

_ The blonde searched his pockets for a tissue, didn't find one and reached for the napkin instead.  _

 

_ “Yuuri broke up with me”, Viktor whispered, voice hoarse, taking the napkin Christophe offered to blow his nose.  _

 

_ The blonde took a moment to think about what the other skater just said before answering. “But- You and Katsudon were head over heels in love? You were such a disgustingly cute couple everyone wanted to throw up seeing your pictures, pair skate and overall behaviour! You adopted a child! How on earth-”, Christophe stopped seeing Viktor sobbing even louder.  _

 

_ “Hush, geez, I'm sorry, Vitya”, he hurried to say and got back to hugging him, rocking him back and forth.  _

 

_ “I don't even know why, he didn't tell me. He's not taking my calls or anything.” - “I’m sure he’ll get back to his senses. I mean, you’re Viktor Nikiforov, who wouldn’t want to be married to you?” _

 

_ And Viktor smiled lightly, tears still escaping his eyes, answering: “Chris, you’re an idiot.” _

 

~

 

“Viktor, wait!”, Yuuri called after the silver haired but it didn’t stop him. 

 

He had messed this up. He had really messed this up.

 

~

 

_ He was just going to pick up some stuff from his apartment in Moscow, carrying a huge pile of luggage, when he ran into his neighbor.  _

 

_ She was a small and fragile woman, barely an adult, maybe she ran into him not the other way around but it didn’t really matter because everything Viktor had carried was distributed all over the floor now.  _

 

_ “Oh god, I’m so sorry!”, she exclaimed in Russian and hurried to help Viktor pick up his stuff.  _

 

_ “Don’t worry, I’m going to miss my flight anyway”, he laughed, “I’ve never been good at leaving on time.” _

 

_ He noticed the tears on her face and paused.  _

 

_ “Hey, is everything alright?” - “Of course it his”, she tried to reassure before bursting into tears again.  _

 

_ Being the good neighbor he was, he took her in, made some tea and listened to whatever she had to say while Yuuri tried to call him, only reaching the mailbox.  _

 

_ “You are five months pregnant and I didn’t notice? I’m a horrible person!”, Viktor said after she explained the situation to him. She chuckled, squeezing his arm affectionately. “No need to, it’s almost not visible and you’ve been away for quite some time now.” _

 

_ Viktor pulled a face.  _

 

_ “But why the tears? A baby is a wonderful surprise!” _

 

_ Her smile faded in time with Yuuri’s eleventh call.  _

 

_ “I can’t keep him. I have to move because I can’t afford the apartment anymore and his father left me. I want him to grow up in a place where he doesn’t have to worry, a safe place.” _

 

_ Viktor frowned when an idea struck him. _

 

_ “I could support you financially!”  - “Please, don’t. I can’t accept this way too generous offer and I still wouldn’t keep him. Viktor, I’m nineteen. He deserves more experienced parents. Talking about it, how are things with your family going?” _

 

_ The silver haired avoided her looks after hearing the question, still deep in thought about her situation.  _

 

_ “Ah, you know, same as always. My father recently decided that I’m a disgrace to the family and refused to come to the wedding.” _

 

_ The brunette’s face lit up. “You’re married now? Congratulations, Viktor that is great! Don’t listen to him. You don’t deserve this kind of treatment from your family. A family is supposed to make you feel good. To care for you and support you. I really hope your wife is able to do that.” _

 

_ Viktor smiled, hands twisting the golden ring on his finger. _

 

_ “Actually… I married a guy. His name is Yuuri and he is the most lovable, beautiful and caring person I’ve ever met.” _

 

_ His lovable, beautiful and caring husband left an angry message on his mailbox while Viktor was lost in thoughts about the younger. _

 

_ “I see”, his neighbor nodded, “So that’s the deal with your parents. But even growing up in a different time in a country like ours doesn’t justify homophobia.” _

 

_ A relieved smile washed over Viktor’s face. “Thank you.” - “No need to thank me, that’s common sense. Anyway, thanks for the tea and listening, your husband’s probably already wondering where you are.” _

 

_ Viktor stopped her from leaving.  _

 

_ “I might need to talk this over with Yuuri, but… How about we take your child in? I’ll bear the costs for your rent, the doctor visits and whatever else needs to be paid to make sure you’re healthy and comfortable. And you don’t have to give your child to strangers, you can always come visit us and I’m sure Yuuri wouldn’t be averse of this idea. Of course we’ll stick with the name you choose to give to him and everything.” _

 

_ He actually surprised her with the offer and himself too.  _

 

_ “I-I might need some time to think this over but… That’s actually… Viktor I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much.” _

 

_ He smiled at her, already planning out what to tell his husband.  _

 

_ “I don’t really know what to say either”, he laughed and she threw herself in his arms. _

 

_ The idea would have been pretty good and Yuri would even know his mother if she hadn’t died in the birth process.  _

 

~

 

_ “Viktor, I swear to god if you don’t answer your phone, I’m going to end you.” _

 

_ Viktor almost had some kind of guilty conscience listening to the messages on his mailbox after safely arriving at the airport. He called back as soon as possible. _

 

_ “Are you going to pick me up?”, he asked, suppressing a laughter after receiving a row of insults in Japanese from the other side of the phone, “Yeah, I missed you too.” _

 

_ “Do you have any idea of how many times I called you? Where have you been? You should have been here four hours ago, I was worried sick!” - “You were worried about me?”, Viktor whispered, moved.  _

 

_ “Of course, I always am, you dumbass!” _

 

_ Viktor was so happy, he felt like his heart was bursting with happiness. His husband worried about him. He wasn’t familiar with someone worrying about him. It was a new feeling and it was amazing.  _

 

_ “Hey, I didn’t mean to shout at you, can you please stop crying now?”, Yuuri asked and Viktor turned around searching for the younger because he didn’t notice Yuuri anywhere at the airport. As soon as he spotted him, he ended the call and ran towards his husband, hugging him tightly, as tight as possible without crushing him. _

 

_ “Are you okay, love?”, Yuuri asked, slightly confused over this reaction after Viktor just got yelled at.  _

 

_ “I love you so much”, Viktor sighed and Yuuri smiled.  _

 

_ “I love you too.” - “So what do you say, we adopt a baby?” _

 

_ Yuuri’s smile vanished and a shocked expression appeared on his face. _

 

_ “What’s this all of a sudden?”, he asked, bringing a bit of a distance between himself and the Russian to have a better look at him. And Viktor explained what happened and Yuuri’s expression softened and it almost felt like he fell in love with him a million times over in just this talk and when Viktor ended there was a short silence.  _

 

_ “So?”, he asked, anxiously holding Yuuri’s hands in his, grip tightening. And Yuuri’s eyes sparkled and he started laughing, reassuring: “We’ll adopt a child”, again and again and they both started crying in the middle of an airport.  _

 

_ On the way back to Hasetsu, they sat in the car in silence, Yuuri driving, but it was a content silence, both of them smiling, lost in their own thoughts until Viktor spoke.  _

 

_ “Do you think we are going to be good parents?” _

 

_ Yuuri smiled again and Viktor’s heart was so full of emotions again and he was so in love with this cute Japanese figure skater he just couldn’t. _

 

_ “The worst, probably. But we’ll learn and we’ll love and it will turn out alright. You’re going to be a great Dad.” _

  
_ And Viktor started crying again, whispering: “I am going to be a Dad. We’re going to become parents” feeling Yuuri’s free hand squeezing his.  _


	8. Shut up (I'm about to open up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri smiled lightly but it was a broken-hearted smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this with a quote by Carrie Fisher because she will be missed and she was so inspiring and a hero and her loss will hurt for a while. 
> 
> However her quotations showed how sassy and strong of a person she was and I will remember her like this and I will continue living, writing, existing because of this powerful attitude.

Life sometimes gives by taking away. 

 

Viktor sat outside the rink on the steps in front of it, headphones plugged in and phone back on, listening to some music. His eyes were closed and his expression still tense but the familiar tunes already calmed him down a little.

 

Yuuri looked at him for a moment, admiring the sight and hesitating, not wanting to disturb this picture. There was no snow in Japan yet and it rather looked like fall than like winter. Viktor's locks danced in the cold wind and he seemed to let his hair grow out again or maybe he still didn't trust hairdressers and that's why he didn't cut it and that's also the reason he didn't let Yuri's hair get cut and insisted on putting it up in ponytails or braiding it.

 

Yuuri sat down next to Viktor and blue eyes looked at him for a second, when Viktor opened his eyes. 

 

“We need to talk”, Yuuri said and listened to crashing waves in the background. Viktor pulled his earphones out and sighed. 

 

For a brief moment they both sat in silence, listening to the waves and the other's breaths. When they wanted to talk, they did on the same time.

 

“I'm sorry”, they both said and both blinked in confusion over the other one. 

 

“I’ll let you start”, Yuuri took his glasses off to clean them with his sleeve which only made it worse to see through them. 

 

“I'm sorry for whatever I did to cause… This. I always considered us happy. We had our disagreements, I'm the last person to ignore that and I know I am bad at being on time or taking calls or thinking before doing something but I thought you knew that and I never expected it to be bad enough for breaking up because I love you, Yuuri. With every flaw and every good thing too. And I love our family, I loved coming home to my husband and my son and maybe I was so naive but I kind of imagined coming back home to my husband and my son and a daughter in the future, someday maybe. And then you broke up and I was devastated. There were some things I just said I didn't really mean but there were also things I really meant like that. Maybe it was self-protection to just run off but I just… I can't go back to the start and neither can you.”

 

Yuuri smiled lightly but it was a broken-hearted smile. He nodded, clearing his throat before talking.

 

“I don't really know how to start. You see, Viktor, my mental health has always been an issue and you really tried to help but you are terrible at it, don't take it the wrong way, you are not supposed to be good at it. It wasn't your problem in the first place and I never wanted to make it yours. That wouldn't be fair. And I- You- I can't really explain but sometimes I think things over and I keep thinking them over and over again and again and my thoughts will ruin them. They will whisper things, so, so  _ mean _ ! And most of the time I ignore these thoughts. I am trying really hard but I have been strong for so long and there was this one month everything was kinda awful. You were away more than you were home and you know I never regretted retiring from skating and I never envied you still being a skater. But I felt so alone and Yuri missed you too and we both were in a bad mood and we fought a lot and there was this thought. Like we weren't good enough for you and suddenly I started doubting everything. Including our marriage.”

 

Viktor opened his mouth, closed it again only to open it again without a word. It took Yuuri at least a minute to notice that Viktor wasn't mad at him or angry. He seemed tired and desperate. 

 

“I didn't… There was nothing I-”, he stuttered and covered his face with his hands. 

 

“I couldn't give you a reason because there was none other than my fucked up mental health. A thing you are not to blame for. And it got worse because I hurt you so much because I am so fucking stupid. I-I just needed some time to think everything over but I was afraid and I still am and I know you can't forgive me and I probably won't as well.”

 

Viktor was crying when he suddenly hugged Yuuri, he held him tight, so tight, they could feel the other's heartbeat. And Viktor sank to his knees, sobbing, grabbing Yuuri's hands, squeezing them and shaking his head. 

 

“You are not”, he choked out, “You are neither stupid nor did something I won't forgive. The only thing I could punch you in the face for was not talking to me because, fuck, Yuuri, this could have been avoided.”

 

Yuuri felt tears running down his cheeks and he was so confused he didn't really know what to answer, a blatant “What?”, slipped out. 

 

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before Yuuri continued: “How can you say something like that after all I've done?”

 

And Viktor, that damn idiot who fell so hard for him at a banquet so many years ago smiled and squeezed his hand again, even harder. 

 

“How could I hate you for your weak mental health? I knew that when I married you and I failed to notice that you weren't alright, I should have noticed! You can't help bad thoughts, I know that, Yuuri, growing up was hell on earth for me. And sometimes I still remember these parts of my past and they hurt and I would give in to them if I didn't have you and Yuri. Without you two, I drink too much, I hate everything about me, my situation and everything else as well. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be envied by so many skaters even though you never experienced happiness from winning? You changed that and you made me feel things and you made the aftertaste of my past go away and you pull me back together when my parents insulted me again or when someone throws slurs at us or- Whatever really. You taught me not to give in to my bad thoughts.”

 

Yuuri sat there in silence, staring on their hands in his lap. 

 

“I don't understand”, he came clean and lifted his head to meet Viktor's look, “I really don't understand you.”

 

“Listen, Yuuri. If you still want me to, I'll stay.”

 

The raven shook his head. “B-but”, however, Viktor silenced him by sealing their lips together in a soft kiss, hands loosening their grip only to brush over his cheeks affectionately.

 

“There is so much we have to talk about and work on but if you agree to try, I will put my whole heart into making  _ this _ feel right again”, the silver haired pointed at Yuuri and himself. 

 

When Yuuri still didn't say a word, Viktor took a step back. 

 

“I will respect your decision, whatever it might be. Yuuri Katsuki. Will you take me back? Will you marry me a second time and will you tell me about the thoughts in that head of yours and let me try to help? And I know this is an awful proposal but we already-”

  
Yuuri interrupted: “Viktor”, he said, “Will you please shut up for a minute?”


	9. Join me (we'll figure it out afterwards)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When would this end, this feeling of uncertainty and pain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well yes, when will this end? Viktor is very confused and so am I.

Viktor felt so tired, his eyes were burning and keeping them open was hard, way too hard. His head sank down on his chest slowly and his vision went blurry, when suddenly he felt a shove against his shoulder. 

 

“Daddy? Are you awake?”

 

Viktor's head snapped upwards and his eyes shot open. 

 

“Of course, yes, I'm awake, Yura. Sorry, I'm still listening. So who's that boy again?”

 

Yuri's emerald eyes lit up. “His name is Otabek, I met him on a rink during vacation and I thought I am not going to see him again so soon but he wrote me a letter!”

 

Viktor smiled and patted the younger’s hair. “That is great, are you going to meet him again?” - “He's actually coming to Japan next year and he convinced his parents to stay at the Hot Springs!”

 

_ So pure.  _

 

Viktor was mesmerized by how much he loved this kid, how he lit up his life and filled his heart with joy. No matter what happened, he always got Yuri and he was like the sun to his grey and cloudy skies. 

 

A yawn escaped his mouth and Yuri seemed to understand. 

 

“Yura?”, Viktor asked when the blonde stood up, thoughts busy with something else. He turned around to look at his father still sitting on the floor. “Yes?” - “I love you,  _ Kotyonok _ .”

 

Yuri's cheeks reddened, he was slowly but surely approaching the age of considering his parent’s nicknames and expressions of affection embarrassing. But today he hugged Viktor tightly before whispering back: “I love you too, Daddy. Good night.”

 

~

 

Yuuri came home late that night. He woke up Viktor who had fallen asleep on a chair next to their son's bed, head bent, an open book on his lap.

 

“Where have you been? I was worried”, the silver haired whispered, rubbing the back of his painful neck. 

 

“I had to think some things over.” - “Like, for example…?” 

 

“Like us”, Yuuri grimaced and Viktor felt like laughing because everything felt so surreal. One moment he thought they were getting back together, the next moment they were like strangers who happened to have a child. 

 

“Is Yuri…?”, the raven gestured vaguely in the direction of Yuri's room. Viktor nodded. “He told me about this foreign boy he likes, I read him a story and he fell asleep.” - “Thank you.”

 

_ Why are you so distant? What can I do to make this distance go away?  _

 

“Viktor…”, Yuuri started and the silver haired stepped closer, eyes widening, a breathless “Yes?” exclaiming. 

 

“Let's talk tomorrow, okay? I'm really tired and I want to go to bed.” 

 

Viktor did his best to hide his disappointed expression. “Okay”, he mumbled, “Sure.” However Yuuri surprised him by reaching out his hand to let Viktor grab it. 

 

“Join me”, he said and Viktor's expression softened. 

 

~

 

Viktor couldn't find sleep even though he was tired. He stirred around in Yuuri's bed, restless but careful not to wake his ex-husband. 

 

_ “Tell me about the guy”, Yuuri demanded, walking next to the Russian, avoiding his looks. _

 

_ “Huh?”, Viktor asked and blinked in confusion. Yuuri sighed. “The guy you slept with.” _

 

_ Something inside of Viktor told him that this wasn't fair. Yuuri didn't answer his question but now he was supposed to tell him about a thing he didn't really want to remember. A mistake. An unfortunate event.  _

 

_ “Viktor”, Yuuri called him back to the present.  _

 

_ “I don't even know his name”, Viktor mumbled, gazing at the rough sea and taking a deep breath. He had missed Hasetsu.  _

 

Viktor felt Yuuri repositioning next to him, felt an arm pulling him closer. He let it happen. 

 

_ “I was stupid and drunk and I fell and he brought me to my room. Or his room. I don't know. To be honest, the only thing I remember is feeling like being used afterwards. It was disgusting.” _

 

_ Yuuri nodded, deep in thoughts as Viktor shivered from the unpleasant memory.  _

 

_ “Can we stop talking about this?”, the silver haired asked, “It’s making me uncomfortable. It's like asking if you had anybody while I wasn't there.” _

 

_ “Oh, I had”, Yuuri assured and Viktor stopped walking. “You… Did?”, he asked, having trouble breathing. _

 

_ “It's been more than half a year, Viktor”, the younger justified, “Hey, are you okay?” _

 

_ He looked at Viktor partly worried, partly confused because of his strong reaction. His face had gone pale and his hands were clenched at his sides, his expression tense and vapid.  _

 

_ “It's just… Nevermind.” _

 

Yuuri pulled him a little closer but this time Viktor couldn't stand his touch, he turned his back towards the black haired and closed his eyes. 

 

When would this end, this feeling of uncertainty and pain? And why was there this voice inside his head, replaying their talk over and over again, especially that last part? Yuuri sounded so casual and calm, how could he be so calm? This was Yuuri Katsuki, his Yuuri! His Yuuri wasn't calm and casual, his Yuuri literally divorced him because he wasn't  _ calm _ and  _ casual _ . 

 

Anger burned his way up from his stomach to his throat and Viktor felt sick. 

 

He wanted Yuuri back, he told himself, once, twice, three times. He needed to keep reminding himself that he wanted him back because suddenly, doubts harbored in Viktor's chest and they tasted bitter. 

  
When he felt Yuuri's hand reaching for him, he got up and left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm close to taking bets on whether they'll get back together or not, feel free to drop your thoughts on it in the comments haha help this is so bad


	10. Here comes the sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri let his head fall to the side, gently resting it on Viktor's shoulder, reaching for the silver haired's hands to intertwine their fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once wrote a Supernatural Fanfiction and let it end with the sun rising because I listened to Here comes the sun while writing. 
> 
> I love this song.

“Viktor?”, Yuuri mumbled and shuffled towards the light coming from the floor long windows in the living room. One of the windows was opened and cold air flooded the room and made even Yuuri in his blanket shiver. 

 

Viktor said on the floor, staring at the sunrise dipping the leave-less trees and grassy hills in golden light, the Hot Springs in the distance looked majestically for a short span of time and Viktor's outlines reminded Yuuri of a fairy prince. It was magical. 

 

“You seem to be drawn to nature's forces from time to time”, Yuuri remarked and Viktor turned around, half of his face hidden in the shadows, the other bathed in what seemed like liquid gold. 

 

“The sunrise doesn't really change, no matter where you are, who you are or what happened to you. Whenever I had an awful day at practice I stayed awake until I saw the sun rise and I felt a new day beginning. It reminded me of how we are just tiny people in a huge world and an even bigger universe and today might be a bad day but there will be a tomorrow and what I couldn't do today I would try again tomorrow.”

 

Yuuri sat down next to him, breathing in the scent of the approaching day. 

 

“That sounds really philosophical.”

 

Viktor laughed. “There were also days I locked myself in, ate too much and hated everything, especially myself.” 

 

Yuuri's touch made Viktor uncomfortable. 

 

“Your skin is so cold, how on earth are you not freezing to death?!”, the black haired asked and wrapped both of them in the blanket he brought with him. Viktor felt unapproachable and cold like the ice he skated on and Yuuri shuffled uncomfortable. 

 

“Hm”, Viktor plainly said, “I didn't really feel the cold.”

 

Yuuri let his head fall to the side, gently resting it on Viktor's shoulder, reaching for the silver haired's hands to intertwine their fingers. 

 

“Yuuri”, Viktor murmured, eyes dark and clouded with hidden pain. 

 

“I don't know what to do”, the younger whispered, kissing his ex-husband’s bare shoulder. He was wearing the very same Yukata he wore when he stayed at the Inn years ago but it framed him more loosely than back then. 

 

“How many relationships did you have when we were… Apart?”, Viktor suddenly asked. 

 

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?” - “Could you just answer the question, please?”, Viktor demanded impatiently, closing his eyes and hiding his face in his hands. 

 

A feeling of emptiness washed over Yuuri as he felt the loss of Viktor's hands. 

 

“There wasn't really… I mean… It's not like I couldn't- Damn it Viktor I lied, okay? I was pissed that you slept with someone and-”, Viktor silenced him with a kiss.

 

“You need to stop doing that”, Yuuri grumbled panting, “It is really rude to interrupt people when they are talking.” 

 

~

 

Viktor was too tired to function properly. Staying up all night had been really dumb in retrospective and he would have stayed in bed because he felt a cold approaching, wasn't it for the doorbell ringing. 

 

“Hello.  Sorry for disturbing but this is an important issue that needs to be taken care of immediately. Are you Katsuki Yuuri?”

 

Viktor stared at the strange woman in confusion. His Japanese was good enough to notice that she wasn't a native speaker. 

 

“I'm his husband, uhm, kind of. It's complicated”, he answered in English, “I'm Viktor Nikiforov.”

 

“Even better!”, she exclaimed, switching into English as well, “Would you mind letting me in? We need to talk.” 

 

“Yuuri's still at work”, Viktor tried to stop her from coming in but she managed to sneak past him anyway. 

 

“I've been trying to reach you for about a month now”, the woman continued and found the way to the living room as if she knew the place. Viktor followed her, so confused and feeling overrun. “Excuse me, who are you again and why are you here?” 

 

His heart stopped for a second when she answered: “This is about Yuri Plisetsky. His biological father requested custody for him.”

 

“No”, Viktor shook his head, “You are not taking my son from me.” 

 

“Yuri is not your son.” - “I don't care!”, Viktor snapped, “Yuuri and I adopted him and we love him. I won't let you take him from us.” 

 

The woman clenched her teeth. 

  
“Sadly that is no longer for you to decide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so fucked up I swear don't take Yuri from them strange woman I made up and don't like


	11. I'll stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything felt like it was standing still all of a sudden, the world stopped spinning, his heart stopped beating, it was so quiet but it was also too loud and there was Viktor clinging to him, crying and it felt so unreal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be the last chapter (for this year haha) and I hope you all have the best possible start into 2017! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, commenting, sticking around and patiently waiting for new chapters, I hope to read from y'all next year again. 
> 
> I don't know if there is anything left to say and I don't want to bore you to death, so I'll end it here. 
> 
> For the last time in 2016: I hope you enjoy.

“Viktor can you please calm down, I can't understand a single word.” - “YuuriwhatdoesapanicattackfeellikebecausethisfeelsbadIcan’tloseYurapleasedosomething.”

 

Yuuri rubbed the back of his head, still not able to comprehend what Viktor just stammered out. 

 

“I'm coming home”, he said, ending the call. 

 

~

 

Viktor didn't calm down. Not even a little. Yuuri had never seen the skater like this. 

 

Of course he had seen him tense, on edge or nervous and crying wasn't new to him either but this… 

 

Calling him hysterical would be understated. 

 

As soon as Yuuri arrived, Viktor clang to him, a sobbing mess with troubled breathing and puffy eyes, muttering words or maybe sentences incomprehensible. 

 

“Viktor!”, Yuuri tried approaching him differently, “If you don't stop this nonsense I will leave!”

 

What he meant was going back to the rink because he had a skating class for kids going on and left them with Yuuko to look over them because of an emergency, that was what he told her. 

 

Of course Viktor misunderstood, shaking his head violently, eyes wide with fear and hands grabbing Yuuri's jacket desperately. 

 

“Don't!”, he choked out and buried his face in the jacket. Yuuri helplessly petted his head. 

 

“Shh, I didn't mean it like that, Viktor, please tell me what the hell just happened.” - “They will take Yura from us.”

 

The black haired stood still. Everything felt like it was standing still all of a sudden, the world stopped spinning, his heart stopped beating, it was so quiet but it was also too loud and there was Viktor clinging to him, crying and it felt so unreal. 

 

“Where is he?”, Yuuri whispered. Viktor carelessly brushed his hands over his cheeks, trying to stop the tears from falling, answering with a shaky voice: “He's at the Inn. Your parents called and asked if he would like to spend the day with them and he said yes.”

 

Yuuri nodded without saying a word and Viktor felt like throwing up. 

 

“They can't do that, right? They can't take our son from us, Yuuri, please, I can’t let this happen”, Viktor's words got lost along his breath quickening. It made him feel all dizzy and everything looked kinda foggy when he fell to his knees. Yuuri followed him, hands cupping his cheeks, eyes on him and only him.

 

“Viktor, you need to calm down. That is not going to happen soon and we won't let anyone take Yuri from us, okay? We'll fight through this. Together. For now, just focus on breathing, I don't want you to collapse, I need you, okay, Vitya?”

 

Viktor felt like the last bit of air got knocked out of his chest by hearing the nickname but Yuuri caught him. He caught him and he let his fingers glide through the silver strands and he pressed their foreheads together and he was so warm and Viktor felt like he was whole again.

 

“Everything is going to be fine”, Yuuri promised and Viktor let himself get lost in these words. 

 

~

 

They didn't celebrate on New Year's Eve. Nobody was in the mood for celebrating. 

 

The small family sat around in the living room, Yuri lying on Viktor, listening to his heartbeat while Yuuri wandered around restless. Viktor sat on the floor, back leaning on the wall, eyes closed and arms wrapped around the blonde. 

 

“I won't go”, Yuri suddenly said and Viktor opened his eyes. Yuuri stopped walking. 

 

Viktor kissed the top of their son's head, whispering: “Of course you won't. You'll stay with us.”

 

“Us?”, the kid asked and looked at his father. This time, Yuuri answered. “You see, Yuri, Viktor has to quit being a competitive skater and I need some help at the rink, there are too many kids for me alone to coach and…”, he let the rest of the sentence get lost in the room. 

 

“Are you coming back?”, the blonde asked, eyes glimmering with hope and close to bursting into tears of joy when Viktor smiled and nodded. Yuri hugged him as tightly as he could before getting up to hug Yuuri as well. He then ran off to his room, exclaiming: “I need to write Otabek!”

 

Yuuri sat down next to Viktor and the silver haired took his hand and kissed it gently. 

 

“He definitely clings to you more than he does to me”, the black haired said but there was nothing but love in his words. 

 

“You think so?”, Viktor answered, clearing his sore throat. Yuuri nodded and embraced his still ex-husband. “I don't mind. At least I got to love both of you and one of us has to be the strict one and we both know you’re way too soft-hearted to actually ground him.” 

 

“Hey!”, Viktor protested, playfully poking Yuuri's cheek. “You didn't even scold him for almost burning down the kitchen, do you remember?” 

 

Viktor smiled at the memory. “How could I, he tried to make dinner completely on his own and I should have watched him better but I had this damn phone call so I was to blame for it.” 

 

“Softie”, Yuuri kissed his temple and Viktor leaned into his hug even more. 

 

“There is a hard year ahead of us”, the silver haired noticed and Yuuri saw his eyes darken with sorrow. 

 

“We'll get through this. At least we got each other and this won't change. I promise.” 

 

Tears ran down Viktor's cheeks and he gazed outside the window, hoping Yuuri wouldn't notice but he did. 

 

“I'll stay. Viktor, I promise. I love you, okay? I'll stay”, he kept mumbling over and over until the tears had stopped. 

 

~

 

They watched the fireworks, every one of the three lost in their own thoughts, Viktor and Yuuri a little giddy from some alcohol, Yuri mesmerized by the sparkling lights in the clear night sky. 

 

They all knew this was a new beginning and it was going to be a tough year but they had their family and they were strong. 

 

“I love you”, Viktor said but it wasn't audible over the sound of the fireworks. He didn't direct it at one of them specifically either. 

 

“Happy new year!”, Yuuri called and Yuri joined him and they all hugged each other, a little too emotional and a little teary-eyed. 

 

When they went back in, they all held hands, Yuri in the middle, already tired even if it just was about thirty minutes after midnight. They helped their son get into his pyjamas and sat on his bed for a little while after switching the lights out, when they heard his voice, soft and somewhat concerned. 

  
“I don't have to go to him, right?”, he whispered and both his parents squeezed one of his hands. “Of course not,  _ Kotyonok _ ”, Viktor answered. “We'll find a solution. Now try to get some sleep”, Yuuri assured but they still stayed until they were sure Yuri was asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for every comment, for your reads and kudos, your encouraging words and positive feedback. Stay healthy and here's to a great new year hopefully better than this one <3


	12. Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor let himself get lost in Yuuri's words, he wanted to believe them so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, however he couldn't restrain himself from saying out loud what made him doubt the comforting words from before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 3 am and I am really tired cause I probably had about four hours of sleep so here goes nothing haha. 
> 
> Also Happy New Year! 
> 
> (My New Year's Eve was not that great so I focused on Viktuuri instead.)

“Andrej”, Viktor grumbled, dangerously close to doing something stupid. Yuuri grabbed his arm and pulled him back, reminding him of his presence. 

 

“Viktor, don't”, he tried to calm him down but the silver haired was furious. Yuuri would be as well if he didn't fear for the consequences of impulse acting. 

 

“You left his mother alone, you never tried to contact us before, Yuri doesn't feel any kind of relation towards you. You can't take him from us without a reason.”

 

Yuri's biological father clicked his tongue but decided not to answer Viktor. 

 

“Please be reasonable!”, Yuuri intervened, “We just want what's best for Yuri.”

 

It happened too quick for Yuuri to stop it from happening. Andrej said something in Russian Yuuri couldn't quite make out but it clearly was an insult and it seemed to work the way he intended to because Viktor exploded metaphorically. 

 

He tackled the other male to the ground and Yuuri had to grab his hand to stop him from hitting Yuri's father. “Viktor, don't!”, Yuuri exclaimed, situation too tense and serious. Viktor teared himself from his partner, hands on the collar of Andrej’s shirt, bringing his face close to the other one's. 

 

His voice was low and threatening and even though he talked Russian and the intonation made Yuuri shiver, he understood perfectly well. “You are not going to destroy Yura’s life just because you're a homophobic asshole who can't stand people being happy. If you hurt Yura, I will beat you up so bad you wish you never met me.”

 

~

 

They were in the elevator going back and leaving the place when Viktor let himself glide down the walls, his legs gave up supporting his weight and he was shaking. 

 

Yuuri's expression was alarmed as he let himself down in front of Viktor, cupping his cheeks with his hands. 

 

“Viktor, love, what is it?”

 

The black haired watched the other try to remain calm, watched him try not to cry. 

 

“This keeps happening”, he choked out and Yuuri embraced him without understanding what he meant, just trying to comfort him. He knew Viktor would explain further. 

 

“They will take Yura from us because we are two guys. Because  _ this _ is wrong. It will never stop, there will never be a time in our lives when we're going to be safe. There will always be ugly slurs thrown at us, disgusted looks on other people's faces and violence against people like us. We'll always get beat up in dark alleys, they'll either bully our kids or take them away from us. And I wish I could hug Yura and tell him everything's going to be okay and it's fine if he has a crush on this foreign kid from Kazakhstan but I can't because he will get hurt. Not necessarily by this boy but by society. And I can't watch our son get hurt.” 

 

Yuuri hit the button for closing the doors furiously when they reached their floor. He then pushed every button for every floor just to provide some kind of shelter, because he didn't want to have Viktor go out there, not like this. He felt the elevator going up again by the drop in his stomach in time with the kiss he pressed on Viktor's lips. 

 

“Viktor, I have no idea what they did to you when you were younger but it won't happen to Yuri, okay? Because he got us. And more importantly, you. Something you should have had but didn't. Parents who got your back and love you no matter what. Yuri knows he can talk to us. Neither of us will ever hurt him. You should have had that too and I'm so sorry you didn't. However, you won't make the same mistakes as them. You're strong, Viktor, stronger than anyone I've ever known. And it's okay if you feel insecure or afraid. It's okay to show weaknesses and I'll be there for you. And I'll still love you and Yuri will too. I mean, seriously, this kid  _ adores _ you.”

 

Viktor's eyes lit up when Yuuri said that and they brought their foreheads together, smiling and both of them shaking a little. 

 

“They can't take him if he doesn't want to go. And Yuri would never leave us. Or you.”

 

Viktor let himself get lost in Yuuri's words, he wanted to believe them so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, however he couldn't restrain himself from saying out loud what made him doubt the comforting words from before.

 

“You did leave me and I know I should just get over with it but we're not quite back to where we were. And I couldn't stop you from leaving, no matter how much I love you.”

 

And Yuuri flinched, even though he knew they were going to talk about this again. Seeing this reaction caused Viktor to apologise over and over again, trying to regain a hold of the black haired who took a step back. 

 

“Don't. You're right. I'm to blame for some of your insecurities and this isn't very healthy.” - “This?”

 

Yuuri pulled the silver haired back on his feet as he saw that they were close to their floor for a second time. 

 

“Our relationship. I'm a little afraid you might be too forgiving. Viktor, if I would cheat on you, I know that you would stay.”

 

Viktor blinked in confusion. “Well you didn't cheat on me I guess so I don't really know what the problem with it is.”

 

They passed through the lobby of the apartment complex hastily and Yuuri didn't continue talking until they sat in the car. 

 

“That is not how it's supposed to be. Your fear of being abandoned is unhealthy and dangerous.” - “But you didn't do it, right?”

 

Yuuri shook his head, sighing desperately before starting the engine and steering the vehicle outside the car park. “That is not the point. The point is, you are so afraid of being abandoned, it has an impact on your life. And on Yuri’s as well. You have no idea how he acts when you are not around. And with both of you being like this, the custody thing will be difficult. Viktor, you just threatened someone. You were close to hurting him. Honestly, I have never seen this side of you and I am afraid of seeing it ever again.”

 

The silver haired bit his bottom lip when realization hit him. The way he just reacted was wrong and he was lucky that Yuri didn't see him like that, letting Yuuri discover this part of him wasn't any better though. 

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't really think about it, it just… I was so angry and…”, he stopped when he felt Yuuri's hand squeezing his thigh. 

 

“I know, I didn't understand what he said but I'm sure you don't act like this normally. What I'm trying to say is that maybe we need help. Professional help. Someone you can talk to that isn't Yuri or me.”

 

“Yuuri stop the car”, Viktor suddenly said. His intonation was so agonized, the black haired did without asking him why. Viktor almost fell out of the vehicle, Yuuri hearing the unmistakable sound of someone throwing up and he hurried to get to Viktor who kneeled in the grass next to the road. 

 

“Are you okay? What the hell just happened?”

 

Vacuous eyes met his and Yuuri saw the silver haired tremble slightly before closing his eyes for a brief second, taking a shuddering breath and making his way back to the car. 

 

“Can we please just go home already?”, Viktor asked, exhausted and pale all of a sudden. 

 

“Of course”, Yuuri murmured, getting back in as well. They didn't  really talk for the rest of the journey but the younger kept his eyes on the silver haired, not able to explain his strange behaviour but determined to make sure he was okay. 

 

When their hands met, Viktor's palm felt feverish.

 

“You won't leave, though, right?”, Viktor asked and he suddenly felt like he was sixteen again, anxious and insecure, a side Yuuri or the public were not accustomed with. 

  
Worry made Yuuri look tired as he answered. “I won't. No more ‘for now’s. I won't leave. Period.”


	13. Stay back (did I hurt him?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dull silence swallowed everything, almost like when the first snow made everyone fall silent, making the earth seem to stand still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my name is Ash and I'm doing a great job at being bad with fic and chapter summaries.

The doorbell rang and Viktor tried to get up but Yuuri shoved him back on the bed. 

 

“You're sick, you'll stay in bed”, he commanded, receiving a hoarse grunt in response. “It's boring”, the silver haired complained, forehead sticky with sweat. 

 

“I'll be back in a minute”, Yuuri answered, cold palm pressed against Viktor's burning cheeks briefly, a loving gaze paired with a worried look on his face. 

 

He left the bedroom door slightly open and it didn't even take a full minute until Yuri slipped through the opening and crawled under the covers to join his father. 

 

“Yura, I don't want you to get sick”, Viktor sighed, whatever he wanted to add got lost in a sudden coughing fit. Yuri's grip around his torso got tighter and Viktor gave up any last bit of resistance and cuddled the six year old. 

 

_ Cuddly Yura is the best.  _

 

“You're growing up too fast”, Viktor complained and felt the six year old poke his shoulder. “I can't wait to be like you and Daddy. Maybe I'll become an ice skater as well and I'll win gold and break your world records.” 

 

Viktor laughed. “I would love to see you break our records. But you have to be careful so you don't hurt Daddy's feelings. He really hates losing.” 

 

Yuri laughed and hid his face in Viktor's sweatshirt and the silver haired pressed a kiss on the top of his head, breathing in the scent of his golden hair and feeling his body relax. 

 

He had closed his eyes for maybe a split second when he heard something hitting the ground, an unsettling feeling tightening his throat. 

 

Viktor jolted upwards and Yuri looked around in confusion. “Yura, stay here, okay?”, he said, instinctively knowing something bad happened. Viktor stumbled towards the front door, bare feet on cold tiles. Fear made his stomach twist when he saw Yuuri on the floor. 

 

“Yuuri?”, Viktor asked, speeding up his steps as he saw a familiar silhouette standing in the doorway. “Andrej”, Viktor growled, hurrying to his partner's side. Apparently the Russian had knocked out Yuuri and Viktor quickly checked on the black haired before getting up and grabbing Yuri's father by his throat. 

 

“Why are you here?”, the silver haired asked, voice low and dangerously tense. Andrej smelled like alcohol and a long flight. It was disgusting. 

 

“Daddy?” - “Yura stay back!”

 

“I'm here to take my son with me”, Andrej whispered, a smile twisting his upper lip and revealing his teeth. 

 

“You won't. You come here and you hurt my  _ husband _ ”, Viktor blinked slightly irritated at his own words before continuing, “You are not welcome and Yura will stay with us. I'm not letting a drunk and violent man take a child with him.”

 

“He rather stays with me than disgusting scums like you. I knocked your little lady out with just one hit, how much of a resistance can a faggot like you put up? Look at you, pathetic and old.” 

 

Viktor couldn't determine what exactly triggered the reaction. Maybe the fear of losing Yuri or maybe knowing that this man was going to hurt his family, that this man hurt  _ his _ Yuuri. Or the way Andrej talked, how much it reminded him of his father. He pushed the man back against the door, hard enough to draw blood from the back of his head. 

 

The blink of an eye later, he found himself lying on the ground but nothing really hurt or maybe he didn't feel anything but Yuri's eyes were wide with fear and there was blood and he didn't know from who it was he just begged it wasn't Yuuri's or his son's. 

 

Dull silence swallowed everything, almost like when the first snow made everyone fall silent, making the earth seem to stand still. 

 

“I didn't kill him, right? I didn't, right? Right?”, Viktor saw himself croak when he felt Yuri's tears soak through his sweater. The dullness lifted with Yuuri shaking him, his face was unreadable or maybe not but Viktor couldn't really process anything right now. 

 

It was kinda ironic how one moment Yura hid his face laughing and tickling Viktor with the vibration of it, the next moment his tears wet the thick fabric. Viktor shook his head at the thought. 

 

“Are you okay?”, the silver haired asked, hands meeting cheeks, one wet with tears, the other hot under his touch. His family felt like they were whole and he was so grateful. He felt his own tears on his burning cheeks. 

 

“I didn't mean to hurt him this bad”, he begged at Yuuri's expression, misinterpreting it completely. 

 

“You didn't”, the younger answered, hands clenching on the fabric of the old sweatshirt, bringing his face close to his partner's, noses touching, “I thought he'd kill you. God, I- Viktor”, Yuuri whispered, saying to himself “ _ Breathe, breathe, just breathe. _ ” 

 

“Where is he?”, Viktor asked, eyes wide with confusion. “Gone”, the blonde answered in Russian, choking back tears and Viktor felt so bad for making Yuri cry like this, for making him go through this. 

 

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

 

Viktor pulled the two of them down and pressed them to his chest tightly, his fragile family in his arms and breathing because they were okay. They weren't fine and they were broken but they were okay. 

  
And suddenly there was pain and Viktor knew, fuck. He was hurt. 


	14. Eyes grey like the sky after a thunderstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Leave or he'll hurt you bad enough to make you stay forever”, his mother had said, eyes cold, used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be studying and my procrastinating game is so strong I keep writing instead. 
> 
> Also I don't have an internet connection atm so I have to do everything from my phone I hope this doesn't mess things up.

“Why does stuff like this keep happening to us?”, Yuuri asked, bandaging the long cut on Viktor's hip. The silver haired winced at the touch and his partner let his thumb brush over his cheek affectionately. 

 

“I don't even know what happened. How is your face doing? Does it still hurt?”

 

Yuri came back into the living room, sitting down between his parents, Viktor lying on the sofa and Yuuri kneeling in front of it, the blonde handing over a bag of frozen broccoli that Yuuri pressed to his face. 

 

“He has a terrible aim. Don't worry too much”, the black haired laughed and squeezed Viktor's hand. “He did knock you out though. Yura, you are terribly quiet… Are you okay?”

 

Viktor held his arms out and Yuri threw himself at him, slightly shocked when the silver haired jumped in pain. “No, stay”, Viktor whispered and held him closer. 

 

“He's such a bad person”, Yuri muttered and Yuuri stroked his hair, sitting down on the sofa as well. 

 

“That doesn't make you a bad person, Yura. I wish you’d have had the chance to meet your mother, she was an  _ angel _ and so pretty, you look just like her.” 

 

Yuri blushed at Viktor's words but there was also sadness in his eyes, clouding the usually glimmering emerald. “What if I become like him? What if he really takes me with him? He had a knife, he hurt you”, the blonde asked, voice insecure and close to breaking. Viktor hugged him tighter but his eyes were on the black haired whose look lay on the long cut he just bandaged. 

 

“You will never be like him.” - “How can you be so sure of that?”

 

Yuuri answered for Viktor. “Because Viktor's father is quite similar.” 

 

That was the point when Viktor started shaking violently. 

 

~

 

_ “Get out”, Mr. Nikiforov said, red outlines of a hand print visible on the sixteen year old's cheek standing in front of him. It was his fault probably. He had acted carelessly so he had to take the consequences.  _

 

_ Viktor's mother had that look on her face when he brought that good looking guy with him, his eyes were grey like the sky after a thunderstorm and he made Viktor feel all warm inside. He knew the feelings weren't mutual and he also knew Lars didn't mean any of the things he whispered into Viktor's ears, making him a blushing mess and his guts feel like being melted into something new, flowing down in lower parts of his body.  _

 

_ He was his first kiss.  _

 

_ Viktor Nikiforov was a sixteen year old virgin, contrary to his classmates believes, judged by the number of girls following him around everywhere, enchanted by his long, silvery hair and his performance on the ice. They didn't know who he was however. No one knew because he couldn't let anybody know except for Makkachin and Yakov who just clicked his tongue at it, saying: “Just promise me to not get caught, Vitya.”  _

 

_ Lars didn't laugh at him when he confessed but he didn't answer either. He just touched Viktor, occasionally, more frequently, more demanding and suddenly they found themselves on Viktor's bed in his tiny room packed with skating gear and foreign books because Viktor loved flicking through pages of an unknown language, hoping to be able to read them one day.  _

 

_ Lars lips were on his and one of his legs between Viktor's and he pushed the silver haired down with his weight, taking the band that held his hair in a high ponytail from him, letting the silver hair fall around his head and face like a halo.  _

 

_ “I'm not gay, Vik”, Lars had said before they found themselves in this situation, “I won't be your boyfriend or shit like that.”  _

 

_ And Viktor had nodded, letting Lars explore his body with some kind of pain accompanying every touch because he knew Lars would never love him and he feared that there may be no one who would ever love him. _

 

_ Viktor gasped for air as he felt Lars’ hips press against his, “Impatient, so impatient, Vik”, the older whispered, laughing and taking off the younger’s shirt agonizingly slow.  _

 

_ His father never came into his room, except for this day. Because he was stupid drunk and Viktor bumped his head on the roof slope and his mother mentioned the boy with the mesmerizing eyes.   _

 

_ He had shielded Lars from his father with his own body and he was glad the way to the door wasn't that long because his legs gave in just in time with Lars leaving in a rush, a silent look of guilt on his face when he closed the door after him, his last sight Mr. Nikiforov grabbing his son's hair and pulling him on his knees.  _

 

> _ “Leave or he'll hurt you bad enough to make you stay forever”, his mother had said, eyes cold, used to this.  _

 

_ Yakov took him in, tired of patching the boy up again and again, tired of losing practice days over wounds on Viktor's body or even worse his soul. He didn't ask any questions, neither did Lilia when Viktor broke down in her studio and she discovered the scars because frankly, she was used to it as well. _

 

~

 

Viktor started crying, feeling Yuri's arms around him, holding him, not knowing what had happened to make his father have a breakdown like this. Yuuri lay the bag of broccoli on the sofa table, walked over to his still ex-husband and kissed his hair. 

 

“It's okay”, he whispered, unsure of what the future held for them but determined to make sure his family was safe. It didn't stop the tears or the shaking, Yuuri wasn't capable of doing that, but the light squeeze Viktor gave his hand assured him that he didn't give up. 

 

“Let's get you back to bed”, he broke the tension and Yuri got up to give Viktor some space. 

 

They all slept in the bed together that night, Yuuri and Viktor still talking when Yuri fell asleep between them, curled up in front of Viktor, a stuffed kitten pressed to his chest.

 

“I would prefer taking you to the hospital. I'm not sure of how deep the cut is but there was so much blood, Viktor, I was so afraid, I really thought I lost you.” 

 

The silver haired shook his head, careful not to wake up Yuri through the motion. “Trust me. I would know if it was dangerous. I've had countless moments of being patched up.”

 

Yuuri brought their hands together, thumb drawing lazy circles on the back of Viktor's palms. He saw how the thoughts tortured the silver haired, how his heartbeat sped up and his expression became unreadable. 

 

“I don't really know what to say. You deserved better. I wish I could do anything to make this pain go away.”

 

Viktor held back tears and kissed Yuuri's cheek gently. “Please don't worry too much. It's been a long time. I'm supposed to get over it.”

 

Yuuri shuffled closer, closing his eyes a little to see Viktor more clearly. It didn't really work but it didn't matter either because Yuuri knew Viktor and he knew how he looked and he was familiar with his expressions because they've known each other for such a long time now. 

 

“You are not supposed to just get over with whatever it was. That's not how feelings work. Never apologise for having negative feelings and please stop trying to hide them from me.” 

  
Viktor took a deep breath. “Yuuri…”, he started when he felt Yuri moving in his sleep, quickly deciding to postpone the talk, “Nevermind. Let's go to sleep.” 


	15. Whatever it takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How about we travel to Russia and meet with Yakov?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to dedicate this chapter to one of my readers (and commenters) for coming up with the idea to let them visit Yakov but also as an expression of gratefulness for the constant amazing feedback, the nice chats and the motivation (: 
> 
> Thank you Shinobi Android!

Yuuri was woken up by the smell of breakfast and something burning. His immediate response was his mind whispering: “Viktor”. When he looked at the empty bedside he repeated the thought but added Yuri's name too. 

 

He reached for his glasses and hurried to get to the kitchen. The sight was kinda hilarious and it took a lot from him not to laugh. 

 

Yuri sat on the kitchen counter, something covering his face, probably flour judging by the flour container on the stove and the dusty white hand prints covering Viktor's black sweatpants. 

 

Viktor's hair was up in a very messy and very small ponytail with strands sticking out everywhere because his hair was too short to put it up properly yet. Yuri's braid however was a work of art. 

 

“Morning Daddy!”, the blonde called out and Viktor turned around meeting Yuuri's look with a wide smile, his hand however rested on his hip and Yuuri knew he was in pain. 

 

“What the hell did you two try to make?” - “Pancakes!”, the six year old exclaimed brightly, clapping his hands together in enthusiasm. Viktor laughed and rubbed the back of his head which resulted in a dusty cloud of even more flour. 

 

Yuuri broke into laughter, lifting Yuri from the counter to let him down on the ground, dusting off the flour from his cheeks and clothes. He then pulled Viktor into a hug, kissing his way from the silver haired's temple to his lips. 

 

“You two leave, I'll make breakfast”, he decided and gently lead both of them outside the kitchen, “And Viktor, I'll check on your wound so don't even try to hide.”

 

Viktor held on to Yuuri a little longer than necessary and so focused, the only thing he saw was his cute little skating instructor for kids, his silver medallist, the love of his life. “Gosh I love you so much”, the silver haired whispered, leaning close to seal their lips together for a second time. Yuuri hated to pull away but the smell of burning batter caught his attention and a very specific six year old called for Viktor. 

 

“We need to continue this”, Viktor sighed and Yuuri agreed, a seducing smile on his lips and the silver haired's breath hitched in excitement.

 

~

 

“Viktor, hey, shh”, Yuuri grabbed Viktor by the shoulders, worried over the skater’s pained expression. 

 

“Don't worry, I'm fine, it just… It hurt.”

 

The black haired was kind of surprised by the sudden honesty and took a step back, looking at the fresh bandages he put on a few hours ago. 

 

“I really think we should take you to a hospital, I don't want it to get infected.”

 

Viktor shot upwards, wincing at the pain in his hip but exclaiming excitedly: “I have a great idea!” - “Let me guess. It has nothing to do with visiting a hospital.” 

 

Viktor crawled closer, his expression was calculating and a smile made his whole face light up. 

 

“Obviously it doesn't. Okay. What is it?”, Yuuri realized and chose to wait patiently for his partner's idea. 

 

Viktor leaned in even closer.

 

“How about we travel to Russia and meet with Yakov?” - “How about 'No’?”

 

Viktor pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

 

“Yuuri, please. I want Yura to meet him and Yakov is familiar with adopting kids so maybe he'll be able to provide some kind of advice on how to handle the custody stuff.” 

 

The last part of Viktor's argumentation actually caught Yuuri's attention. Even though Viktor used his whiny kid voice he always used when trying to convince his partner of something, the idea wasn't necessarily bad. 

 

“I guess we could combine it with getting some stuff from your apartment”, the black haired gave in, sighing deeply, “But you owe me one!” 

 

The pain in Viktor's hip almost seemed forgotten when he tackled Yuuri to hug him and press kisses all over his face. Yuuri laughed, shoving him away nonetheless and pinning him down on the mattress. 

 

“However, you have to rest. You're sick, now you're hurt as well and I need you to be fully recovered until we'll go, do you understand that, Viktor?”

 

He was taken by surprise when the silver haired pulled him down, kissing him deep and passionately, hands wandering over his chest and eventually slipping under the shirt he was wearing. Viktor nibbled at his earlobe, whispering sweet nothings and making Yuuri shudder under his touches. 

 

“Viktor, stop”, he panted but the aforementioned decided to pull Yuuri even closer, lips wandering over his throat, teeth gently grazing at the exposed skin and his hands on the other's hips, pressing against his lower body impatiently. 

 

Suddenly, Yuuri's phone rang and he hurried to escape Viktor's attempts. It's not like he didn't want it, he reassured himself, shuffling uncomfortably because of the state Viktor had put him in, he just wanted to make sure he was alright. The Russian passing out midway would be kinda awkward. 

 

“Don't take it”, Viktor complained, hands ghosting over Yuuri's thighs but the younger already answered the call. Somewhere along the rows of Japanese and some laughs from Yuuri, Viktor fell asleep. He looked quite peaceful like this and still as pretty as ten years ago. Yuuri smiled, lost in loving thoughts and switched the light on the nightstand off after the call had ended. He found his way closer to Viktor and lay his head on the silver haired's chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart.  

  
“I love you too”, he whispered before he felt himself drifting into sleep. 


	16. Sun, moon and stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you still you remember our training?”, Viktor leaned closer to Yuuri and took his arm, making him spin around him. The black haired came to a stop with his hands on the other skater’s hips and a surprised smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning an AUish kind of fic with young dancer Viktor meeting college student Yuuri maybe? But my priority is this fic I swear (also I should be studying, I was just wondering if anybody would be interested in it.)
> 
> Thank you all so much for your patience, sticking with me for 16 chapters now and your lovely comments!

 

Yuuri let himself flop down on the bed in Viktor's apartment, too tired to function properly any longer. The silver haired laughed silently, Yuri’s arms slung around his neck, he had been asleep for the longest part of their journey.

 

“Get him into bed properly, will you?”, Yuuri asked, suppressing a yawn. “I can't really feel that part of my body anymore”, Viktor laughed, he loved the fact that Yuri fell asleep on him but their boy was growing heavier and he was glad to be able to put him down eventually. He took off the blonde’s jacket and scarf, wrapped him in the blanket next to Yuuri instead. 

 

“Where do you get that energy from? You're still not fully recovered and yet you don't even look tired”, the black haired complained, bringing the blonde closer to him. Viktor smiled at him, ruffling his hair at the same time which caused the younger to shove him back. 

 

“Clearly I must be superhuman”, Viktor answered instead and took off his own clothes as well, quickly opening the right drawers to pull out sweatpants and an old shirt with holes in it. The movements were so experienced and knowing and something in that moment made Yuuri angry. He wasn't angry at Viktor, he was angry at himself. 

 

He felt the hint of Viktor's lips ghosting over his cheeks and snapped out of his thoughts. 

 

“Hey, Yuuri... Is everything alright?” - “You know this place so well.”

 

Viktor blinked in confusion while slipping under the covers. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

 

“You didn't find the towels in the house we lived in for years but you're well acquainted  with this apartment. Because I made a stupid mistake. Because I let you go.”

 

Viktor's expression softened when he understood. He wasn't supposed to know a place where they didn't live together. Because they chose each other and they've been with the other for so long. He reached for Yuuri's arm, squeezing it. It was a gesture of understanding. 

 

“It doesn't matter. I'm back and we'll get over this. Yuuri our relationship is strong, so strong it survived 6 months of being apart.”

 

Yuuri took off his glasses and put them on the bedside table, lying down and staring at the ceiling while Viktor switched off the lights. He kissed Yuri's cheeks and stroked the silver hair next to his son's before whispering: “You two are my everything.” 

 

If Yuri was the sun, Viktor was the moon and stars. 

 

~

 

“Mila, stop harassing the kid!”, Viktor called over to the redhead who had picked up an angry Yuri protesting and complaining, trying to wiggle himself free. Yuuri started laughing at both their expressions.

 

“I wouldn't have to if you'd train your little brat properly!”, Mila answered when Yuri sticked his tongue out. “Old witch”, he said and finally met with the ground again, dashing away as fast as possible with Mila skating after him, furious but Yuuri and Viktor knew it was just playful banter.

 

“Do you still remember our training?”, Viktor leaned closer to Yuuri and took his arm, making him spin around him. The black haired came to a stop with his hands on the other skater’s hips and a surprised smile on his face.

 

“Oh I wish you had been this silly at least once but oh no, nonsense is not allowed when sharing a rink with Viktor Nikiforov”, Yuuri teased when his partner suddenly tensed and straightened his back before clearing his throat. His eyes were locked on a point behind Yuuri who turned around to see what caused such a reaction from the silver haired. 

 

“Excuse me,  _ Solnyshko _ ”, Viktor whispered absent minded and made his way over to the doors where a familiar figure was standing. Yuuri didn't really react, still blushing at the nickname he hadn't heard for a while. 

 

“Vitya”, Yakov murmured, scrutinizing his former protegee before he pulled him into a tight hug. The tension fell from Viktor as if someone flicked a switch. 

 

“You could have called, you know? Normal people use phones, it's quite easier than flying to Russia.” - “I missed you too.”

 

They both took a step back to take a better look at the other. 

 

“You're not eating properly”, Yakov growled and Viktor bit his bottom lip, hiding his guilty expression. 

 

“I need your help.” - “You're not getting back to figure skating I hope.”

 

~

 

Yakov’s bureau looked still familiar but it smelled like home. Viktor swallowed the emotional outburst he felt approaching and focused on squeezing Yuuri's hand instead who gave him a reassuring smile. 

 

He still had that ugly brown sofa in the corner of the room, Viktor couldn't really remember how many of his tears had soaked into the worn out fabric, how many nights he slept on it, shivering because the wind howled through the small room and his body ached in the morning because he was tall and the sofa was tiny. 

 

“Yura, are you sure you don't want to play with Mila any longer?”, Yuuri asked their son who shook his head before signaling Viktor to pick him up what he did immediately. “That kid sure knows how to train his Dad”, the black haired teased and Viktor flashed him a grin. 

 

“Please make yourself comfortable”, Yakov said, strong Russian accent audible. His eyes were on Yuri a little longer than necessary and Viktor followed his look questioning. The former Coach shook his head. Yuuri knew, it was a chat between them, he wasn't supposed to understand and he didn't need to. He trusted Viktor and Viktor trusted Yakov. 

 

They sat down on the sofa and the silver haired's breath sped up, Yuri didn't understand what happened but he hugged Viktor tighter and he calmed down again. 

 

“Andrej wants the custody for Yura”, Viktor suddenly said, not one of them expecting words from anyone this soon, “He's been with us for six and a half years now, he doesn't want to leave. We want to keep him. And there is no way Andrej would care for him properly.” 

 

Yakov cleared his throat. 

  
“How do you know that?” - “Because he is like my father.”


	17. Hush (it's going to be alright)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How are you feeling?”, Yuuri asked, clinging onto Viktor’s side.
> 
>  
> 
> “Tired, I guess”, came the response, accompanied by a weak smile, too weak to fool Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired as well, my winter break is almost over, I am supposed to study but I'm tempted to draw (which I can't do for shit) and start a new fanfic (which I shouldn't do as this one is not finished AND I AM SUPPOSED TO STUDY) and also maybe go on a vacation and never come back because school is shit.
> 
> ALSO CAN YOU BELIEVE:  
> Shinobi Android is the amazing artist who drew a scene from this chapter, I feel so honored, please check it out here:  
> https://twitter.com/shinobiandroid/status/818964265575075840 (I linked it in the text as well)

“He resembles you”, Yakov said his nose pointing in Yuri's direction who went back on the rink again and was talking to some of Viktor's old rink mates, probably messing with them.

 

“I hear that quite a lot”, the silver haired answered, earning an approving nod from Yuuri who jumped a little when Yakov’s eyes met his.

 

“So let me get this right. You married. And retired. Well not both of you. And then you got divorced. And now you're back together.” - “How did you know?”, Yuuri asked, startled by how much Viktor's former Coach knew.

 

“I can see it in your eyes. Viktor was never good at hiding his feelings, well, better than you of course but his eyes always tell the truth. Also he lost weight and you're nervous. Since I know he's a bad cook and you lost the nervousness over the years with him, it occurred to me that you must have lived separate recently.” - “Impressive. You are very attentive.”

 

Viktor's laugh irritated Yuuri when Yakov explained: “Actually Vitya told me.”

 

The Japanese hit Viktor on the shoulder, shaking his head but laughing anyway.

 

“He was a mess without you. I've seen-”, Viktor interrupted: “Yakov, stop”, his intonation was harsh and his ex-coach understood.

 

“We're here to ask you for advice about the whole custody thing”, Yuuri broke the awkward silence after clearing his throat. He noticed Viktor's hands squeezing his thigh even though it seemed more like he did it unconsciously, only a hint away from being painful. The black haired made him loosen his grip by taking his hand in his. .

 

“S-since you took Viktor in and stuff”, Yuuri continued, feeling slightly intimidated by the situation.

 

“You see, boys, I’m glad you trust me this much to actually ask for my advice, but… I took Vitya in because his father threw him out. There was no fight. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings here and, god, Vitya, you are very important to me and I loved you like a son. The point is, your father didn’t care.”

 

~

 

“How are you feeling?”, Yuuri asked, [clinging onto Viktor's side.](https://twitter.com/shinobiandroid/status/818964265575075840)

 

“Tired, I guess”, came the response, accompanied by a weak smile, too weak to fool Yuuri. They were just about to pick their son up, when Yakov called Viktor back. The silver haired raised an eyebrow in question and his partner gave him a light push to signal him that it was okay to go.

 

“We’ll catch up at the apartment!”, Yuuri added, loud enough for Viktor to hear, even though he was already going back to the bureau. “See you later, love you”, was the answer and the black haired smiled at the words the Russian just carelessly threw out because they felt so natural.

 

Yuuri caught the blonde who threw himself at him excitedly and tired from skating for this long and kissed his cheek. “Did you harass Daddy’s old rink mates?”, the black haired asked and Yuri shook his head, obviously not telling the truth.

 

“Of course not. You raised me well, Daddy”, he answered, nodding solemnly. “Well I thought we also taught you not to lie”, Yuuri teased and watched his son’s cheek redden.

 

“Fine. Maybe I did. Where are we going now? And where is Daddy?” - “We’ll get something to eat and your father will come back later. He’s got some boring old people business to do.”

 

Yuri hid his laughter in Yuuri’s coat. “They will figure something out, right?”, he suddenly whispered and the black haired blinked, confused and a little surprised at the sudden change of the topic.

 

“Hush, that is nothing you have to worry about, Daddy and I are going to handle that and you’ll grow up and start getting on our nerves way too soon. Just wait and see.”

 

_Please. Just let it be this easy. Just let everything go well._

 

~

 

Yuuri was greeted with a sloppy kiss on the lips.

 

“You are not drunk, are you?”

 

“Yakov had the best idea possible!”, Viktor exclaimed, smiling all over his face and hugging his partner, turning them around in wide circles at the same time.

 

_“Sit down”, Yakov commanded, voice way more secure and comfortable in his mother tongue. Of course he had a soft spot for the Katsuki-Nikiforov family but two hours worth of talking in English sooner or later started to get on his nerves and he was grateful to be able to switch into Russian again._

 

_Viktor did as he was told and his ex-coach poured him a glass of something that looked like liquor._

 

_“Oh, no, I don’t drink when I’m with Yura”, the silver haired turned down the offer but something in Yakov’s expression made him take the glass anyway._

 

_“He hurt you”, Yakov said and Viktor raised his head to meet his eyes. “Yuuri? We’re over it. It was a stupid misunderstanding and it won’t happen again.” - “I’m not talking about your on-off relationship with that Japanese kid. You two were always stubborn, I figured something like this would happen eventually. No, Vitya, I’m talking about physical pain.”_

 

_The liquid almost spilled when Viktor jumped up. “Yuuri would never hurt me like this!”_

 

_“Calm down, Vitya, I’m still not talking about Yuuri. I’m talking about Yuri’s father.”_

 

_Viktor didn’t even remember taking a sip but found the glass in his hands empty when he sat down again._

 

_“How do you- No, don’t answer that.” - “I was your Coach. I know you longer than anyone else.”_

 

_Viktor nodded and Yakov refilled their glasses._

 

_“Of course this isn’t good but in this certain situation, it may be.”_

 

_The silver haired wrapped a strand of hair around his finger. “I don’t understand.”_

 

_“Geez, Vitya, pay some attention, would you?”, Yakov grumbled and made Viktor stop the motions, “Report him. How big is the chance of someone awarded custody who attacked someone?”_

 

Now Yuuri joined him in spinning circles around the apartment until they crashed into a floor lamp, which met the ground and shattered into pieces the same time they both fell down on the floor laughing.

 

“Are we laughing about you being hurt, dammit, Viktor that is so fucked up”, Yuuri said, shaking his head, eyes glimmering with something like hope. “We are, and isn’t it the best thing ever? Also, watch your mouth, _Katsudon_ , we’ve got an almost seven year old who’s not supposed to use swear words!”

  
And somehow the sentence caused both of them to start laughing even harder.


	18. Too sensitive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri gripped his arm and stopped him from getting out of bed. “Don’t you dare play the overprotective parent, he’s going to be sixteen tomorrow and he’s very responsible.” - “Are we talking about the same kid?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked me out hahaha, he knows my Instagram why would he do that in the first place I'm a mess??
> 
> Anyway, we're approaching the end, I originally thought this would be the last chapter but this story keeps surprising me (I am writing this how is this possible?) so maybe there will be another one or two chapters?

_8 Years Later…_

 

“Yuri Plisetsky, could you do me a favor and turn your fucking music down?” - “Language, Dad!”

 

The blonde sat on his bed, legs crossed and eyes fixed on the screen of a portable gaming device.

 

“Don’t you “Language, Dad” me in my own house”, Yuuri growled and Yuri lifted his head to look at his father, a knowing smile on his lips, not even a little apologetic. “It’s the music for my Free Skate, I need to get used to it”, he answered, casually stretching his legs, eyes still on his father, “By the way, have you seen Otabek?”

 

Yuuri sighed, shaking his head. “Shouldn’t you know where your boyfriend is?” - “Don’t say it like that!”, the blonde snapped and Yuuri tried to suppress a laugh.

 

“You’re acting so tough, my fifteen year old son, but deep inside you’re still the little-”, Yuri interrupted, cheeks bright red and shaking his head threateningly: “If you end this sentence, I’m leaving this house.  I swear, I’ll go live with Otabek in Kazakhstan or on the street, I don’t care.”

 

This time, Yuuri laughed and he saw his son smiling, trying to hold it back but failing. “Sure. As if you could break your father’s heart like that”, the black haired answered and saw the blonde biting his bottom lip. Those two and their soft spot for each other would be the death of him one day.

 

“By the way, have you seen your father?” - “Shouldn’t you know where your husband is?”

 

They looked at each other, Yuri raised an eyebrow, trying to provoke the other who sticked his tongue out in response. “Gosh, Dad, you’re way too old for doing that. Fine, I’ll go help you find him”, the blonde grumbled and raised his arms in success.

 

~

 

“I can’t believe that”, Yuri whispered, his father didn’t even seem surprised.

 

The living room was a mess. Tons of toys lay around everywhere, on the floor, the sofa table, on the sofa as well but in front of it sat the silver haired, a small bundle asleep on his chest and Otabek sitting behind him, weaving his long hair into silver braids.

 

“Shh, they both fell asleep after the lunch went terribly wrong. We tried to clean the mess up but their might be some mashed potatoes on the ceiling”, Otabek patiently explained, keeping his voice down to not wake Viktor or the baby up.

 

“Why the fuck are you braiding his hair?”

 

Otabek smiled awkwardly. “Well I kinda asked him for advice because you seem struggling to put it up yourself in training so I thought I might help you with that?”

 

“Watch your mouth, Yura”, a sleepy voice mumbled and everyone over the age of three jumped in shock.

 

Otabek quickly put a hair band in Viktor’s silver strands to secure the complex braid, how the hell did he even manage to do this Yuri asked himself, and stood up carefully to step towards his boyfriend. “You don’t like it?”, he asked, an insecure frown on his face.

 

“No, I mean, it’s kinda weird, but… I wouldn’t mind”, Yuri cleared his throat and turned away to hide his blushing cheeks. Yuuri smiled and watched Otabek’s face light up.

 

“Come on, let’s go get something to eat, if my parents keep looking at us like that I might throw up.” - “Romantic, as always.”

 

Yuuri laughed and followed their steps with his eyes until they were out of the door before letting himself down next to his husband.

 

“They are so cute but also so young, have we ever been this young?”, he asked the silver haired, who still had his eyes closed, exhausted from the food fight he had with their daughter earlier.

 

“Hm”, he murmured, letting his head fall down on Yuuri’s shoulder, “I can’t remember, I’m too old.”

 

“Shut up”, the black haired answered and shoved him against the shoulder. Viktor opened his eyes and turned his head to plant a soft kiss on Yuuri’s lips.

 

“Can you believe how far we’ve come? We are married, parents of two amazing children and I really don’t want to scrub these mashed potatoes from the ceiling.” - “How did you manage to change to topic so suddenly?”, Yuuri laughed and Viktor shook his head tired, explaining: “Well, you see, I’ve been scrubbing mashed potatoes from the walls for three hours now and I’m a tad emotional about Yura’s birthday tomorrow.”

 

_Aha. There it is._

 

“Come on, let’s get you two to bed. Or at least her, you need to take a shower, you smell like mashed potatoes, Mister.”

 

“Oh I hate mashed potatoes so much!”, Viktor groaned, lifting their daughter up and handing her over to Yuuri before taking off his shirt. “You better hurry with taking that shower”, Yuuri whispered into Viktor’s ear and saw him dash off the next minute, almost stumbling over a pile of building blocks.

 

~

 

“Where do you think they went?”, Viktor mumbled, bare arms wrapped around Yuuri’s torso. “I really hope that’s not what you thought about while having sex with me, gosh, Viktor.”

 

The silver haired was too deep in thoughts to really notice his husbands answer. “Maybe I should go and check on them…”

 

Yuuri gripped his arm and stopped him from getting out of bed. “Don’t you dare play the overprotective parent, he’s going to be sixteen tomorrow and he’s very responsible.” - “Are we talking about the same kid?”

 

Yuuri threw a pillow at Viktor’s face, still complaining.

 

“But what if they- I mean he’s almost sixteen- You don’t want to become a grandpa just yet, do you?”, Viktor asked, blue eyes wide with shock. “That’s biologically impossible, Vitya”, Yuuri answered, growling into the pillow left on the bed that he didn’t throw at his husband - yet.

 

“But what if he breaks his heart, Yura is so fragile I don’t-”, Yuuri interrupted again, getting tired of the bad argumentation: “It’s Otabek, we know this boy. He asked you for advice about braiding hair because he wants to do Yuri’s. There is no way he’ll break his heart.”

 

Viktor sighed, nodding hesitantly before raising his head and jumping out of bed, throwing on some clothes carelessly.

 

“Viktor Katsuki-Nikiforov”, the black haired threatened. “That is not how we agreed on the last names”, Viktor grinned, dodging Yuuri’s attempts to catch him, “It’s just that there is this tiny little restaurant they might visit but the owners are homophobic and I don’t want them to experience something like this."

 

“Then call him, for fucks sake, Vitya, leave them alone!”

 

The silver haired stopped, pouting. “Fine. I’ll do that.”

 

He gave him a chance to pick up. He really did. At least two minutes passed while he waited for Yuri to pick up his phone before Viktor ended the call, having reached the mailbox for a third time now.

 

He took his jacket from the chair in the kitchen, kissed Yuuri on his forehead and tried to close the door as careful as possible.

 

“Call me when you know they are okay”, Yuuri had said and Viktor had teased him about it at least a little.

 

~

 

He wasn’t supposed to see him and all his attempts to make it sound like he didn’t just spy on his son failed miserably.

 

“Is this the amount of trust you have in me? That’s not even embarrassing, it’s pathetic!”, Yuri suddenly exploded and even though Otabek tried to calm him down, he was angry at Viktor and the silver haired knew, he had every right to be.

 

“Yura, listen, I said I am sorry but you didn’t pick up and-”, another interruption and Viktor flinched at the harshness of Yuri’s words: “I don’t care. I’m so disappointed, I wish you would be more like Dad, not doing this touchy-feely stuff all the time, it makes me _sick_.”

 

Viktor’s mouth stood open and he clenched his fists, trying to remain composure but his lower lip trembled slightly and his face was pale. “I didn’t know that. You liked it when you were younger and…” - “I am not seven years old anymore. Get over it.”

 

The blonde turned around and gripped Otabek’s arm to pull him along, the teenager looked slightly shocked as well.

 

“Don’t you think you were a little hard on him?”, the young skater whispered, looking at the blonde.

 

“He has to learn it one day. And it might be better sooner than later, I don’t want him to get all emotional when I’m winning my first medal or something, it’s embarrassing and my other Dad manages to be less awkward so why can’t he?”

 

Otabek chewed on his bottom lip before answering.

 

“Yuri, I don’t think that’s it, maybe you should go a little easy on him. I think you really hurt his feelings.”

  
The blonde just sighed and sped up his steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still thinking about the little babygirl's name this is really hard, any thoughts/opinions on that matter?


	19. Tell him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Viktor you are 44 years old, stop behaving like a child!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go with a short SECOND last chapter. I really don't want to say Goodbye to this family and I love them too much but this can't go on forever and I can't torture you with empty chapters and bad storylines just for the sake of continuing ^^ There will be another chapter!
> 
> Also more art by the amazing Shinobi Android, link is here: https://twitter.com/shinobiandroid/status/818861469206978560 and linked in the text as well again, please check it out and maybe even leave some kind words? Because this is absolutely adorable and great!

 

“He hates me”, Viktor cried and let his tears soak into the fabric of Yuuri’s shirt. The black haired patted his head and rubbed circles on his back with his other hand. “He hates us at least four times a week, he’s a teenager.”

 

The only answer he got was a sniff.

 

“Viktor, would you please stop crying, it’s going to be okay. Teenagers are supposed to fight with their parents.” - “But Yura is not supposed to fight with me! And you haven't seen him in this moment he was so angry he yelled at me. In front of all the people! Yuuri I can't stand him being mad at me, where did my little sunshine go?”

 

And there were more tears and even worse more snot and Viktor was a sobbing mess.  

 

“Viktor you are 44 years old, [stop behaving like a child!](https://twitter.com/shinobiandroid/status/818861469206978560)”

 

The silver haired's answer was an inaudible muttering due to pathetic attempts to choke back the tears. Yuuri took a tissue from the box on the nightstand and started to dab away the streams of salty water on his husband’s cheeks.

 

“You still love me at least, right?”, he sniffled and Yuuri hit his shoulder with his fist. “At least. How polite.”

 

“Aw, come on, you know perfectly well how I meant that!”, Viktor protested and Yuuri laughed. “Of course. I will always love you, even when you start embarrassing our daughter.”

 

~

 

Yuuri yawned and glanced at the light coming from their daughter's room. He growled a little and got up, checking on the peacefully sleeping blonde in his room for a second.

 

He didn't talk to Viktor when he came home, Yuri completely ignored him and it was heart wrenching for the black haired to watch. The atmosphere at the dinner table was frosty, Viktor putting the bowls down forcefully, passive aggressive while Yuri talked to him instead as if Viktor didn't exist.

 

When they went to bed, Viktor didn't cry but he didn't want to talk either. Now it was 2 o’clock in the morning and Yuuri would be asleep if the light coming from the hallway and the cold space in the bed next to him didn't wake him up.

 

Yuuri continued his way and stopped at the step of their baby girl’s room. Viktor had their daughter in his arms, rocking her carefully and whispering to her. He sat on a chair next to her bed and his expression was tired but loving.

 

“You see, Rosie, you can't hate me. You have to promise me that you won't hate me. Yura was as small as you once too but he grew up so fast, I just don't want him to leave us because he's angry. Maybe he'll go live with his father, I couldn't stand that. Maybe I was wrong, spying on him, but I didn't mean it. And if I ever spy on you, Rosie, please don't hate me either and don't leave, okay? Because I love you and Yura and Yuuri. You are my life. And I will protect you with all I have. No one is going to hurt my family. No one.”

 

Yuuri smiled and sneaked away, back to their son's room. He lay down on the bed and woke the blonde with a soft poke on his cheek.

 

“It's past midnight, Happy Birthday, Yuri”, he whispered and watched him open his eyes hesitantly. “You know you could have waited until a reasonable hour to do that”, came the answer, however Yuuri received a light squeeze as a thank you.

 

“So why are you up?”, Yuri asked, sighing and turning to face his father.

 

“Your Dad isn't coming to bed. He's talking to Rosa but she's asleep.” - “What the hell would he even talk about? She's two years old, she doesn't understand.”

 

Yuuri bit his bottom lip, sucking in a sharp breath.

 

“Yuri you were a little hard to him. I know he shouldn't follow you around and he knows as well but he was worried. And now he's talking to Rosie because he believes you're going to abandon him.” Yuri rolled his eyes. “That's fucking stupid.”

 

Yuuri pinched the blonde’s thigh. “Just because you're sixteen now doesn't mean you can swear as you like. Your little sister is not supposed to hear words like these.”

 

Yuri grunted his approval and came closer, allowing the black haired to wrap his arms around him. It was a small gesture and no one was there to see it so he couldn't really feel embarrassed but Yuuri was grateful for it nonetheless. He started to comb through the golden strands that Yuri refused to get cut.

 

“You should go and talk to him. He loves you so much and he didn't mean it like that. You see, Yuri, nobody ever looked after him when he left. That may be a reason he's overprotective. Because no one ever protected him.”

 

Yuri fell silent for a little while before clearing his throat and continuing.

 

“I love him too. I love you both and I would never leave you.”

 

Yuuri held him tighter for a moment before he kissed the top of his head and stood up.

 

“Tell him that. Good night, Yuri.” - “Night, Dad.”

  
When Yuuri went back to his own bed, Viktor was still at Rosalyne’s room.


	20. We met (he opened up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ugh, Dad, stop it!” - “Shut up, when I’m dead you’re gonna remember this moment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took an eternity but I kind of stressed myself out by thinking this had to be perfect and meet everyone's expectations or go beyond but I decided this goal is out of my league so here we go, a final chapter to end this and say Goodbye to my favorite family and all the nice comments I got from you all.
> 
> I just added 20 more words for the word count I mean, that is quite satisfying, isn't it?

Viktor had a bad day.

 

That wasn’t an uncommon thing to happen and by now Yuuri was kinda used to it and knew how to deal with it, he did have a lot of really bad days himself and they got over it usually. The problem was, this time, Viktor lost himself in some bad memories from times that passed long ago.

 

“Okay, tired my ass, you’re not tired, talk to me, Viktor!”, Yuuri demanded after his husband had slammed the door to their crockery cupboard shut hard enough to make the clashing of the porcelain inside audible.

 

“It’s nothing”, the silver haired snapped. “It’s about Yuri”, the black haired figured.

 

Viktor turned around, an angry expression distorting his face. “No, actually it’s not about Yuri!”, the former skater exclaimed, way too loud, loud enough to make the blonde come downstairs.

 

“What the hell are you two doing?”, he asked, switching a look with Yuuri who shrugged helplessly. “Can’t you go back to being disgustingly happy with each other please? You managed to pull yourself together before, remember?”, the teenager let out a long sigh. However he didn’t really understand what part of his sentence caused Viktor to leave the room furiously.

 

Yuri looked at his father, a silent begging included to follow him but Yuuri signaled him to do it himself, he still was sure that Viktor was angry about the fight with his son. Kind enough to give it a try, he did what he was asked to and found his other father on the steps of their front porch.

 

“Dad?”, he approached him carefully. “I’m sorry, please go back inside, I didn’t mean to ruin your birthday”, the slumped figure muttered and Yuri decided to sit down next to him.

 

“Don't be silly”, the blonde laughed, moving closer to the other so that their shoulders were touching. “You're not mad at me anymore?”, came the curious question that was answered by a warm hug from the sixteen year old. Viktor breathed in his scent, he still smelled like Baby Yuri and nothing would probably ever change that and he found comfort in it.

 

“This isn't about yesterday, is it?”

 

Viktor shook his head, gently combing through Yuri's blonde hair. His own was put up in a messy bun. “I don't… That's something I don't want you having to deal with.” - “You have to tell someone at least.”

 

They loosened their hug, bringing a little bit of distance between them.

 

“I can't believe you're sixteen now. Do you remember that dinner we had with Yakov after the trial?”, the silver haired asked. 

 

Yuri sighed. So that was the game he chose to play. Yuri could play that game as well. 

 

“Of course I remember. I cried a lot in front of the judge, you showed off your bruises and cried during the dinner a lot, basically there was a lot of crying and that seemed to convince the authorities that you two are great parents or at least that Andrej would be a horrible father.”

 

Viktor pouted. “You ruined a perfect flashback moment. If you put it like that it doesn’t even seem that important”, he murmured, obviously sad. Yuri shoved him with his shoulder carefully, making the silver haired fall over anyway. “That’s what it is. It’s not important.”

 

The look of confusion on Viktor’s face turned into hurt so the blonde hurried to explain further: “It never mattered because you two are my parents. I’d never call anyone but you ‘Dad’. Even if you’re clingy and annoying.”

 

Viktor’s eyes filled with tears, he was so full of emotions he grabbed Yuri and held him in his arms tightly until he wiggled himself free.

 

“Ugh, Dad, stop it!” - “Shut up, when I’m dead you’re gonna remember this moment.”

 

Yuri sighed and accepted.

 

~

 

“Yuuri!”, Viktor called and it sounded worried. Alarmed the black haired followed his husband's voice and found himself on the front porch, looking at a crying teenager and his father, focused on a small furry bundle the blonde held in his arms carefully.

 

“Yuri? What happened?”

 

They waited at the vet for at least three hours and had a long talk with the vet afterwards as well but the thing was decided the moment Yuri had seen the cat.

 

Apparently someone hit the animal and drove off so Viktor and Yuri had checked on the furball and found out he was still alive.

 

“I’m going to call her Nova.” - “Yuri, Darling, you do know it’s a male cat, right?”

 

The cat was fine. Okay, not fine but okay and no one seemed to miss her so Yuri decided to take her in. They were lucky Phichit loved babysitting Rosalyne so much he quickly agreed on watching her the time they were away.

 

“I never had a cat”, Viktor whispered and Yuuri shrugged, “Me neither.”

 

“I don’t care. That’s Nova. Can we finally go home? I need to call Otabek to come over and meet her.”

 

“Him!”, Yuuri made a desperate attempt to correct the blonde but he already ran off to their car. The black haired sighed and hooked his arm with Viktor’s. “So when are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

The silver haired avoided his gaze, making it seem like he was watching Yuri playing with the new pet in his arms.

 

“Damn it, Nikiforov! Talk to me or I’ll push you into the next river, I swear”, Yuuri threatened but Viktor countered with a “Gladly.”

 

They drove home in silence except for some occasional mewls from the cat.

 

~

 

Yuuri took off his glasses and put them on his nightstand before climbing under the covers of their shared bed. Viktor lay on his side on top of the covers, his back facing Yuuri and not even looking at him. Somehow he focused on the screen of his smartphone but the younger couldn’t see what was catching his attention this much.

 

“Would you please talk to me?”, he asked, this had to be his third or fourth attempt of talking to Viktor today, still not able to figure out what on earth he did wrong. When the silver haired ignored his words he quickly snatched his phone away to take a look at the screen. He was surprised to see a picture from their wedding. When he looked at his husband, the Russian’s expression had shifted into a vulnerable one.

 

“Viktor? What does this mean?”, Yuuri asked and looked back on the photograph, searching for any hints on Viktor’s strange behaviour.

 

“How did you feel on that day?”, he suddenly asked and Yuuri gave the phone back. “Wh-what? Where is this coming from all of a sudden?” - “Just answer the question, Yuuri”, Viktor sounded tired and it had been a long time since he last called him by his first name instead of using pet names.

 

Yuuri moved closer but Viktor remained untouchable. “I was happy. I got to marry my idol, my best friend, the love of my life”, he whispered and saw Viktor close his eyes for a second.

 

“You see, the thing is, I can’t look back at these pictures the same way since we broke up. I know that’s not fair of me to say but Yuuri… We got over this divorced thing so quickly I didn’t really have the time to think everything through. And suddenly we had the custody problem and were forced to go back to normal as if nothing happened.”

 

Yuuri’s mouth fell open. “Do you want to get a divorce?”, he asked, shocked. Viktor violently shook his head, fear in his eyes. “God, no! I-I just… Nevermind.”

 

The sheets rustled when Yuuri pulled Viktor in his arms.

 

“Please talk to me”, he muttered and hid his face in the crook of the other’s neck. “I missed you so much. I had to pull myself together for Yura but I felt like drowning myself. I don’t know if you know how bad this felt, how bad it feels to miss you. It’s like someone ripped a part of your chest, leaving your heart exposed and uncovered. You feel insecure and vulnerable and helpless and all I wanted to do was die. I couldn’t understand why you left me, why you locked me out of your life just like that. I just knew that I didn’t want this life. I don’t know if I ever told you about the night Chris spent at my place?”

 

Yuuri shook his head and let Viktor continue. That was ten years ago but apparently he needed to talk so he let him and focused on listening.

 

“I drank way too much a-and there were- I- uhm. I mean- Well Chris called and he talked to me the whole time until he stood in front of my door and as soon as he saw what I wanted to do he slapped me”, a bitter laugh escaped Viktor’s throat before he continued, “He just slapped me. Two times. My face never hurt that much before. And then he brought me to my bed and he stayed and told me about skating and some stupid restaurant I forgot the name of where the server’s were so cute and he told me about Europe and the US and Canada, about China and God knows whatever country he’s been to as well but all I could think of was how I lost you and Yura.”

 

Yuuri combed his fingers through the other’s hair but stopped as soon as he noticed Viktor didn’t feel like being touched in this particular moment.

 

“I had the worst hangover ever and the day after we went out skating and eating at the stupid restaurant and we visited the Bolshoi theatre and saw a ballet performance and we never talked about it again.”

 

The black haired waited until he was sure Viktor finished before answering.

 

“Don’t be. I just… My therapist and I decided you needed to know.” - “Your therapist?”

 

Viktor bit his bottom lip.

 

“I didn’t want to tell anyone but on some days I’ll take Rosy and we’ll go on a nice long walk and see my therapist afterwards.” - “I never knew- I mean… That’s… I’m glad.”

 

Confusion made Viktor’s forehead wrinkle and Yuuri kissed the wrinkles away softly.

 

“I’m glad you opened up.”

  
And Viktor smiled and it was a genuine smile and he pulled Yuuri closer. They didn’t need ice to call everything they had ‘Love’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is what it is and what it is is shit.
> 
> Sherlock Season Finale anyone?
> 
> *I'msorrypleasedon'thateme*

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed whatever this is. Feel free to leave your opinion or feedback or whatever in the comments, they are highly appreciated. 
> 
> If there are any errors, please let me know!
> 
> Check out my Twitter if you feel like it (@AJayAlive) or my Instagram (@ajayalive), they're basically about YOI, Supernatural and Cosplay. 
> 
> Also have a nice day ^-^


End file.
